The Tinkerbell Policy

I have a new policy on picture books: I refuse to read anything that will leave me covered in glitter. Someone has to take a stand, before adults and kids everywhere start taking on a fairy-dust-like sheen. Little Honey Bear and the Smiley Moon, written by Gillian Lobel and illustrated by Tim Warnes, has the honor of provoking this policy, because ohmigod, all the glitter. On every page. All over every page. Because even on the pages where glitter was not supposed to be, oh glitter was. By the time I had finished reading the book, my hands looked like I had bitch-slapped Tinkerbell.

I’m not even sure what the book was about anymore; between the glitter and the phrasing and the title itself, I was all gooey sweetnessed out before I had reached page four. I think that Little Honey Bear and his cute friends Lily Long Ears and Teeny Tiny Mouse (I can’t believe that I was going to try to come with names cuter than that) went off to meet the smiley moon. When the moon is covered by a cloud, they get lost, until Mommy Bear finds them.

Another problem, now that I’ve had to read to find out what happened: Mother Bear smiles as she takes them all home for a special supper after finding the bear and his friends. Smiles? Special supper? Are you kidding me? Baby bears climbing out of bed, going outside without asking, and leaving the yard? Mommy Bear should have opened a can of whoop-ass on that misbehaving little bear! Let’s talk about consequences!

Syrupy-sweet, glitter-laden, and message-impaired. Three strikes. Yes, kids may love the glitter. Okay, we knows they loves the glitter. But at the very least, this sparkly spew of Satan has got to stay on the page.

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