MotherReader

With every thing that the Teen finishes up, I'm all, "thank God that's done." And then the next day, "ohmigod, that's DONE!" College decisions, made. AP tests, taken. Prom dress, selected. And the killer, last high school performance, completed.

Performing Shakespeare's Antony & Cleopatra was an incredible undertaking for a high school. I'm not usually one to comment on how many lines are memorized - actors know that's the easy part - but in this case, let's give credit where credit is due. For A Midsummer Night's Dream, the leads Oberon, Puck, and Titania each have in the neighborhood of 250 lines. In this production - with a few cuts to the play - Antony and Cleopatra have about 700 each. So, yeah.

Top off that incredible bit of memorization in about two months with incredible, emotional performances by both leads. Of course I'm extremely proud of my Teen, but I have to give credit also to her Antony without whose commitment she couldn't have shined so brightly. The student critics described their chemistry as impeccable, excellent, impressive, intense, dynamic, and unfaltering. And from someone who clearly needs a hug, “fairly believable.” Not too shabby for two teens who aren't dating but need to present one of the most passionate couples in history.

Back to that critic thing. Our area participates in the Cappies program where student critics attend each other's plays and submit reviews for local publication and for local theatre awards. Teen's reviews came in with wonderful acclaims that pass a parent's glowing accounts. She was noted highly in just about every review (with the exception of one where the critic seemed to find the actors a necessary focal point for the lighting) described as a "driving force" with "vibrant physicality,"and "amazing, both sensual and insane," with "constant energy" and a "broad range of emotional acting." And the line that sums it up, "Possessing both a vice-like grip on the audience and a brimming amount of confidence, Coughlan held the audience’s attention from her extravagant entrance to her tragic end."


So yeah again, I'm proud. And glad the practice and performance is over, because it was intense. And sad that it's over too. It's hard being a mom of a Senior, but especially of a theatre kid. She plans to do some Shakespeare in college, but who knows how she'll be able to compete there. But honestly, if this was the last thing she did in theatre, it would be such a high note that I'd take it.

It's been an intense, soul-searching time for the Teen and I as we analyzed, compared, deliberated and ruminated on colleges. I'm excited to say that she's decided on George Washington University!

It fits everything she is looking for in a college, put together in parts. It's an urban campus offering the city of Washington, DC to explore. Yet, it also has a smaller, greener campus that is mostly residential and a short shuttle ride away from the main campus, four blocks away from the White House. It offers the resources and variety of a large university, but being admitted to the honors program gives her a small, nurturing community of advisors and intellectual challenge. There are great programs in political science and public policy, which is where her interests are leaning, and several combined programs for earning a Masters degree. She was offered a large scholarship that puts the school in our price range, plus they'll take enough of her AP credits that she may be able to knock out a semester. The school is very focused on internships and since she lives near, she may be able to turn one into a summer job. She'll be close to home, but the environment is completely different from the suburban area where we live.

And omigod the dorm! The honors program offers housing in a dorm that has four single rooms that open into a common area with shared bathroom in a hall with a full kitchen and laundry in a building that houses the dining area and - I swear it's true - a black box theatre space. Could it be more perfect? Oh yeah, the Shakespeare learning community is housed in the same campus.

Okay, that long description was indulgent, but it's for the five or six people who may be interested in the decision process. I'm available for personal college consultation on request. I also do children's parties.

I'm happy that things look so ideal for her, and also that we're done. Honestly I'm ready to have my brain back from thinking about colleges and you know, her "future." It's tiring. Deciding whether to read the new teen book OR the adult bestseller is more my speed. (Answer: duh, both.)

March has been an anxious month waiting for college acceptances to arrive, and I suppose I don't write when I'm anxious. I can't say what else I was doing, besides churning over the same college information and cleaning out the computer/storage room. Oh, and shoveling snow, which was flippin' weird in March.

But the results are in, and they are good for the Teen. She didn't quite make her reach school Columbia, but was admitted to its sister school Barnard. She swept our Virginia colleges with acceptances from University of Virginia, University of Richmond, and William & Mary, along with UNC at Chapel Hill. A last minute addition of George Washington University is looking promising with an admittance to a selective honors program and a large scholarship.

With such a variety of good schools to consider and such a big decision to make, I can't say how present I'll be online this month either. Though there is a significant difference in the tension of not being able to move forward because you have no idea what to decide among, and the tension of having many good choices to decide among. If it's any indication, this nagging lower back pain I've had for weeks is suddenly gone.

If you have anything to share about the schools, I'd love to hear. Especially about GWU or Barnard, where I don't have any insider view. William & Mary is safely covered by its two alumni in this very house - which is probably killing Teen's view of it - and Richmond is too expensive.

All right, I'm going to move on because I could write for hours comparing what we know of those schools and how they fit my daughter and what that could eventually mean for her future and if any will affect her potential as President...

Oh, yeah everything else is fine. The Kid is on a chorus trip to DisneyWorld and auditioned for a summer theatre program of Legally Blonde, which should be fun. My mom is doing fine from her recent follow-up appointment and got a new kitty friend. The husband and I are coming up on our twentieth year anniversary, and will likely have to pretend that it is actually occurring at a more convenient time to celebrate. Like 2016.

If you're reading this, thanks for staying around. I haven't been a great citizen of the KidLitosphere, but I love my friends in it too much to disappear entirely. Just sometimes, for odd stretches of time. Be well!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh! That is the sound of me relaxing for the first time in... I want to say... years?

Maybe it just feels that way, and certainly everything in my life hasn't reached a positive plateau. However, two big things are squared away. My senior was basically accepted into an excellent, affordable college, and while she hasn't decided on William & Mary, it's a relief to know that it's there as an extremely attractive option. She also just got the part of Cleopatra - the role she's been wanting and working towards, in a way since she starting acting. She's put a lot of time into this theater department and has truly earned this part with both performance skills and hard work.

Also the kid - who is really a teen - is settling into high school quite nicely. She's finding her own place in theater and chorus with parts and solos, both well-deserved. She's really shined in Unplugged with an original song and a beautiful cover, and that venue has given her incentive to keep working on her guitar. We watch American Idol together with an analytical approach to what she should do when she auditions.

And they get good grades, have friends, enjoy each other, and still hang out with me.

I've hit the parenting jackpot, and I'm so proud and happy.

So, time to breathe and figure out what is next.

I literally have fifteen minutes before I leave for work, but I want to write something today. Actually, that's how I've been feeling all summer - like I'm cramming in a thought or action or activity between things. Random schedules of two active teens matched with my own irregular work schedule superimposed on the long days that my husband spends at work has my mind scrambling to find consistency and connection.

The Kid had theatre/music school weekdays until two and then "Fame" rehearsal every week night. Except when it's canceled. Or when she also has rehearsal on Saturday. Teen is working at Abercrombie a couple of days a week, but she doesn't know what those days are until Saturday. And she also has call-in shifts where they probably won't need her, but she needs to be available. She's also doing a service project at a local shelter and has the nerve to have a social life with friends.

My work schedule is always subject to change, but more so in the summer when I may be covering for coworkers on vacation. When I'm at work in the summer, I'm working hard. Programs of puppet shows and songsters, sure to bring in a crowd. Reshelving books attacked by kids released in the library on rain-soaked days. Readers advisory galore. And behind all of it, a creeping conversation about changes to come in the library system, many of which seem ill-considered.

I wrote about missing summer as a joyful season. But I'm also missing summer as a time to relax from the busy, chaotic schedule of the school year. I'm just tired, and my fifteen minutes are up, so it's time to go to work.

Everyone warned me about how hard it is having teenagers, but I haven't found that to be true. Except for now. Because summer isn't fun anymore.

Teen has a job, summer assignments, and a volunteer project. The Kid has theatre/music classes from 8:00a.m. to 2:00p.m. and then has rehearsals for Fame every weeknight. I'm working part time on an irregular schedule and trying to clear out the playroom which has long since stopped being a room for playing.

For years summer was all about playing. With long free days, the girls would create elaborate games with stuffed animals, dress-up clothes, or Barbies. They rarely stopped, only agreeing to "pause the game" while we did necessary chores. To keep things fresh, I also interrupted their play with the variety of free or cheap offerings around us including library programs, park activities, and morning movies at the discount theater. Even a trip to the grocery store often included a stop at Petco to look at the fish or an ice cream cone at McDonald's. There was always the pools and playgrounds for daily fun, and beach trips to anticipate. Putting on the sprinkler in the morning meant the swimsuits went on too, as did a drenching rainstorm.

Now that I have teenagers, the only thing that makes it Summer is not being locked into the pace of the school year. The girls are finally released from early wake-ups, long days, and hours of homework. And that's about it. They have no need to go to the pool, and if they do it's with friends. Movies are nighttime events - again with friends - and parks pretty places we drive by on the way to the mall. Going to beach is hard to coordinate with everyone's separate schedules. The girls get along great, but video games and TV shows have replaced their hours of playing together, naturally.

Looking back, my life with young kids sounds exhausting. But even if I had little time for myself, keeping the kids entertained allowed me to live through summer as a kid again and again because I also got to swim in the pool, watch the movies, and play on the beach. Summer was special then, and I miss that.

But to give a bright side, let me give a shout-out to air conditioning. Glorious cool air that you don't have to leave to play in a hot park while your child has a tantrum. So there's that. Happy summer, people.

Today is all about waiting. I'm waiting to see if Anna will be used as a photo double for a local film, though it's probably unlikely. I'm waiting to find out if Erin will be cast and/or called back for a local theatre production, which is probably likely. I'm waiting to learn the extensiveness and cost of repairs on my car, which has a continuum of suck factor I don't want to contemplate.

Around me, people are waiting. Friends in their last weeks of pregnancy are fighting with meditation or tearing apart rooms in the struggle with biding their time. Teacher friends are eyeing the last weeks of school. Writers always waiting for a letter, email, or call.

In this mode, I'm realizing that far from its passive nature, waiting has a palpaple energy. With determination and maybe luck, you can lose yourself in distraction. But in stillness, you can feel the force like waves beating a quiet rhythm in your brain.

I talked about my own blogging blahs as a sense of something coming, but maybe it is more an accumulation of waiting that is tiring. Fighting ocean waves is useless. Better to coast on the current or ride in on the tide. It makes sense then that I was reading Adrift: 76 Days Lost at Sea and came on this passage:

An eternity exists between the click of each second. I remind myself that time does not stand still. The seconds will stack up like poker chips. Seconds into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days. Time will pass. In months I will look back on this hell from a comfortable seat in the future... perhaps, if I'm lucky.

Sometimes all we can do is wait and understand that looking back the period of time will seem insignificant. That knowledge may be an easy comfort for small things like a theatre role or car repair, but maybe a lifeline for those struggling with grief or depression. Especially for young people who are not used to waiting for so much as a weather report, it has to be the hardest simple lesson there is: that time will pass. And at the end of that time is something worth waiting for.

If you've been following my involvement with my mom's health issues, I have a positive update. We went to a follow-up visit at Johns Hopkins that started early and ended late, but yielded some good news along the way. The whole story is in the middle, but jump to the end if you want.

In review, my mother had a stroke two years ago that primarily damaged her language and cognition centers. She recovered language elements pretty quickly and improved steadily. The cognition aspects made some basic things confusing, but again improved quickly and steadily. Two years out her language issues are primarily in mixing up names or having some trouble finding the right word, but is generally good. The cognition problems are minor in everyday life as they are established with routine. New things can still be a challenge and numbers are difficult for her.

In the MRI for the stroke, they found a large, benign tumor that caused the stroke by closing a main artery. The slow growth of the tumor probably constricted the artery over time, allowing other arteries and blood vessels to compensate. Otherwise the effects from her stroke would have been worse. However, the tumor was pressing on her optic nerve, and unless it was done growing would eventually damage her vision, perhaps entirely.

Thus started two years of visits to one of the premier medical institutions available to us, Johns Hopkins, which is about an hour and a half away from my house. After numerous visits, tests, and consults, the best advice was to watch and wait, hoping that the tumor didn't grow and press further on the optic nerve. Surgery was extremely risky and radiation would be very difficult, given that she would have to live in Baltimore for weeks.

Things didn't change significantly with the tumor until this past spring, when a deterioration in her visual field was noted. At this point she could do nothing and accept that she could go blind or go through the radiation process with hopes of stabilizing her vision. Over the summer she went for radiation treatment every day for six weeks. Since neither of us live in Baltimore, it involved an expensive hotel stay and a series of extended visits from my brother and me to help. It was not pleasant for anyone and we couldn't even know if it worked.

But finally,good news. While the new MRI didn't show a significant change in the tumor - which would be vaguely positive - the extensive visual tests show a slight improvement in her visual field and in the image of the optic nerve itself. The best we had hoped for was a stabilization, which would have always left the question of whether the radiation had stopped/shrunk the tumor or not. But the slight improvement, while not obvious to my mom, shows that the tumor is not pressing on the optic nerve as much as before. So the radiation - and that terrible summer - was worth it.

She will continue with six month follow-ups, but hopefully we are done with this aspect of her health issues. It's a great relief and an answered prayer.

I'm heading off shortly to sell tickets at lunchtime for the Teen's fall play. The high school is doing a creative adaptation of A Midsummer's Night Dream that involves the show Madmen and it's setting of 1960's New York City. There is a particularly interesting costume interpretation of the fairies in the woods of Central Park that is knocking me out. I seriously love the punkish Oberon and his fairy crew. I've seen some great photos from the show, but I'm wary of sharing pictures of other kids online. This one seems okay to me as the focus is Titania, otherwise known as my lovely daughter Anna, and there's a sense of the cool costuming without a clear look at any of the other characters.

Cool, right? If you're in the Northern Virginia area and want to see a great show, it's Thursday at 7:30 p.m., Friday at 8:00 p.m., and Saturday at 2 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. at Lake Braddock. I'm going Thursday... and Friday and Saturday night. Hey, it's my kid as the fairy queen, who could resist!

I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted anything. I blame my habit of writing up notes on books at home, work, or PTA meetings and then doing NOTHING WITH THEM. Apparently, they don't magically transform themselves into posts, so lesson learned.

Other than not turning my notes into coherent reviews, I've been keeping up on the Cybils nominations and background organizational work. I made a weekend trip home to see my mother and niece where my Internet access depends on random unguarded wireless. I spent time and emotional energy on the Kid's musical, Seussical. She played Mayzie La Bird and was flawless in her performance with a bluesy voice and brassy attitude. (The video is on Facebook, fyi.) The election has also kept me mentally occupied in a nail-biting sort of way, and I'm really tackling my household clutter... at my own snail's pace.

Being back in the library, I've been seeing some great new picture books. The middle-grade stuff has also been tempting, but I haven't had the time to do nearly enough reading at home. But hopefully I can share some of my favorites here... as soon as I decipher my notes.

While it was frustrating to be offline for much of the month, it may be just what I needed to get back on track. Or at least to find the track. We'll see how it plays out.

My schedule at work is settling a bit, now that I'm not covering summer vacations, and with the girls at school, I'm enjoying having a place to go, work, and earn money. I'm on the committee to select books that we'll promote for next year's summer reading program. I'll also be moderating a panel at Fall for the Book, so I think they like me.

Teen got the coveted - by her - role of Tatiana the fairy queen in her high school's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. We worked on her callback material together, and she's going to be great. She also was selected as the lead critic for her school's Cappies program, probably due in part to the three reviews that she got published as a critic last year.

In the first week of school, the Kid finished a fantastic performance of 13: The Musical. It was so professional these teens could have gone on tour with the show. The next week she got the part of Mayzee, the amazing bird, in Seussical. As soon as I heard her sing the bluesy "How Lucky You Are" I knew she was getting that role.

My mom is feeling much better back at home, completely recovered from the radiation side effects and back to herself. She negotiated getting her house painted and is able to drive again. Though she restricts herself to the doctor, the supermarket, and the animal shelter where she volunteers.

Without books on the brain, I've been tackling some long overdue household organization. Still a lot to go, but it's a process. Also I'm feeling less nervous about the election, so that's a relief.

So that's what's been going on. Now that we're all caught up here, I hope to be a little more present - mentally and virtually. And hey, on Friday I'll be heading to New York City for KidLitCon! Can't wait to see everyone!

We have been experiencing technical difficulties here at MotherReader. Pretty much for the month of September, the site has been offline. My tech guy - or spouse - explained that the hosted name wasn't pointing to the blogger site, which also wasn't working, even though I could see it to post. I don't know. But it's fixed now, and I feel a little bad for my absence.

I completely missed announcing the 2012 Cybils panelists, with a special nod to my own team for Fiction Picture Books. So let's knock that out first with a hearty Hooray!!!

I haven't been able to promote KidLitCon in NYC, but I'm hoping that I'll see some friendly faces there. Who's coming? It's going to be fantastic to be at my favorite conference with my favorite people in my favorite city. I think I better bring my favorite wine to round the whole thing out.

If you're in the D.C. area, I can point you to a session from the Fall for the Book festival. I was asked to moderate the Young Adult session discussing "the widening demands for Young Adult fiction — with a focus on fiction that might be considered “too dark” for young adult reader," with guests Kristen-Paige Madonia, author of Fingerprints of You, Diana Peterfreund, author of For Darkness Shows the Stars, Carmen Rodrigues, author of 34 Pieces of You, and Timothy Travaglini, Director of Children’s Acquisitions at Open Road Integrated Media. It's at 4:00 on Sunday at One More Page Books in Arlington. Yes, I'm heading straight from New York to this panel, because I'm a boss.

Hopefully with the site back on track I can follow suit with book-loving posts to come. As the Obama campaign says, Forward!

It's the last week of what I'm calling the Lost Summer, and I'm just ready for it to be over. It's not I love autumn, but because I'd rather get on with the schedule of the school year if I'm not going to get the fun of summer.

I ended up with another week helping my mom through her radiation therapy. She is at her home now and feeling much better, though it will be a while before she feels like herself. The good news is that the treatment is completed with a ninety to ninety-five percent success rate for holding her vision in check. Obviously, I'm keeping my fingers crossed and my prayers with her.

With my mom's treatment, my new job, the girls' theatre/arts program, and scheduling conflicts all over the place, we lost out on our normal summer of sun, sand, and swimming. Only twice did we made it to my old home, Virginia Beach, and each of those for only a couple of days. We canceled our membership to the community pool, but didn't go to my in-laws pool much either. My work schedule was often opposite the girls' program, so I wasn't seeing much of them. And tacking on the Kid's rehearsals, we never seemed to be all together much at all. Our closest thing to a vacation was New York, but again we were only together in the evenings and that was only when Bill was able to join us at the end of the week.

At this point, I'm happy to close the book on the whole thing and get ready for a new, exciting year. We start off with MPAT's performance of 13 on September 7th and 8th - if you're anywhere near Northern Virginia come to the show, which will be fantastic! Then both girls start off with their school's theatre programs, which includes A Midsummer Night's Dream for the Teen. For me, there is KidLitCon in September and the start of a new Cybils year. (Last days for judge applications!) And always, books, books, books to read. And occasionally to write about.

Oh New York, why do you tease me so? Beckoning with your warm embrace only to blast me with your sauna-like subway tunnels. Luring with your bustling streets only to wake me at dawn with the noisiest garbage collection procedure known to man. Teasing with dollar slices of gooey pizza while leaving me with the hotel bill for many, many dollars. New York, you are a cruel mistress.

There you have it. A bit of poetic tribute to my city stay of two weeks ago. It was not our smoothest visit. The hotel was small, and I hadn't realized how much we count on an extra room in an apartment to get a little space from each other at the end of the day. We all went into the trip tired from our various things, which didn't help our stamina or mood. Things simply didn't gel the way they have in the past.

But it was still New York and we made the most of it. We loved seeing RENT again from prime orchestra seats and enjoyed the energy of Newsies. We reluctantly passed on Shakespeare in the Park's Into the Woods as being too involved, but went to TKTS booth to get great seats for One Man, Two Guvnors. It was as funny as they say.

We hit the free Friday night at MoMA and decided we prefer it to the pay-what-you-wish hours at the Guggenheim where they shame you into paying more than you might wish to. In fact, we took advantage of free things as much as possible taking in Broadway in Bryant Park, the Staten Island Ferry, and the Folk Art Museum. (Foe more free museums, check out this listing) We walked along Riverside Park and visited with good friend and semi-tour guide Tim Bush along the High Line.

Teen and I did some shopping at the discount stores, sample sales, and consignment shops. She found a great collection of New York style clothes and one fantastic dress that had people turning heads as she walked by. She looked like she had stepped out of Vogue. The Kid worked very hard at Broadway Artists Alliance and was thrilled with the guest speaker, Megan Hilty of Smash. It was so perfect that she could tell her that she was performing her version of "Crazy Dreams" at the BAA Showcase - and that she sang it masterfully! The Showcase itself was amazing to see with the amount of stunning young talent.

Buying an extra day with an evening departure, we went the Bronx Zoo as the close to our family trip. It turned out to be the perfect way to end our visit, with a relaxing walk around the peaceful zoo grounds. We even came away with a new family saying from the ticket pricing structure listed at the zoo: "Total experience does not include camel rides." How true that is... on so many levels.

On my return, I was immediately sick with fever, back at work, and dealing with my mom's health. The last of which sent me back to Baltimore to oversee the last days of her treatment. I'm hoping that with the conclusion of this therapy and the beginning of the school year, that I can get back to blogging more regularly. Of course, I've said that before. In any case, my personal trip is now cataloged and broadcast for posterity, whatever that's worth.

Another update knowing that What Happens on Wednesdays, Stays on Wednesdays.

With week I took off for Baltimore and the week I will take off for New York, my part time hours were all crammed into these two weeks. It's exhausting! How do you people manage to work full time, like all the time?

Granted, I'm also continuing to monitor my mother's care in Baltimore. That requires an hour phone call a day, because while she doesn't always speak well, but she always talks long. I did arrange for a home health aide to transport her to an from treatment, but I'm still involved in the logistics somewhat as my mother gets confused about what this person is supposed to do. I tell her that the aide's job is to do anything she finds difficult, but that's too open-ended for my mother.

Somehow I woke up in the middle of all this and realized that our big trip to New York - the one where Also-Teen goes to her Broadway program - was a week away. I had booked a hotel and sent the kid's headshot, resume, monologue, and song selections. But no other planning had taken place. These last few days have been a frenzy of figuring out the schedule, arranging transportation, buying theatre tickets, and even a little packing. Yup, my bag is ready to go.

We'll go to see RENT on Sunday, because we love the show and got free tickets for our obstructed view seats last time we went. Score for asking! On Tuesday, we'll see Newsies, because that is the show that Erin's program is attending and they'll offer a cast talk afterwards. I had wanted to try for the Shakespeare in the Park's Into the Woods Wednesday or Thursday, but it looks like getting tickets involves waiting from 6:00 a.m. to distribution at 1:00 p.m. and there is nothing I care about that much. We'll try the online lottery option, but otherwise may head to TKTS booth on Thursday and see what we can find.

At this point in our New York visits, we've done the big sights and so we spend time wandering, shopping, and revisiting our favorites. Lots of our favorites are - perhaps unsurprisingly given our show ticket orders - free. We'll take in the High Line, Broadway in Bryant Park, and MoMA on Friday night. I've also found the free or pay-what-you-wish hours at the Guggenheim and the Frick Collection, so I'll be heading there too. All of this comes from this listing of free and discounted museums in New York. You're welcome.

I know I will love this trip, but am finding it hard to get excited because I am just so tired. I can't find the time or energy to feel the anticipation. But weary or not, this is happening, folks. If you'll be in the neighborhood next week, give me a holler.

A What Happens on Wednesdays, Stays on Wednesdays edition to continue last week's post.

We spent five days learning the elevator. This is frustrating nature of what a stroke can do. My mom can call Medicare and discuss her benefits, but can't remember which button to push in a hotel elevator. She stays calm while bolted to a machine that beams radiation into her brain, but gets flustered when asked if she wants the combo meal at the downstairs cafe.

My week with her was supposed to establish routines so she could manage a daily schedule, but it wasn't enough to overcome the cognitive deficits that the stroke caused two years ago. She is fine at home with her own schedules, activities, routes, and interactions. However, in a completely different environment, in a highly charged, stressful situation, incorporating new things is extremely difficult. Even things as simple as the elevator.

My brother is there this week, while I work a full time schedule to make up for my time off last week. I am grateful for the arrangement given that I didn't have any sick leave to use at my new job, but I'm also exhausted. Not from work itself, but from being the point person for all of this at the same time. Mom already had a fall on Monday that involved the hotel managers, the doctors at Johns Hopkins, and a dentist today. She can't be on her own - not because of the treatment itself, but because her anxiety and the stroke are working against her.

Now we're looking at a home health aide for the transportation to radiation therapy, and I'm saying room lockdown for her when someone else isn't there. She's going to love that phrasing, though her recent fall might make it an easier sell. It's also possible that I'll miss my week in New York while the rest of my family goes to get Erin to her Broadway program. Given that it's my one week of actual vacation that isn't also an obligation to someone else, in a city I love, helping my daughter with our mutual passion for music and theatre... I'm finding that plan hard to take.

Also my daughters are in a summer arts program that requires transportation every day that often conflicts with the work schedule I didn't know I was going to have at the time they signed up for the school. And Erin has rehearsals for her musical most weeknights, which is another drive. Oh, and just to clinch it, my hamster is dying - really slowly, a little weaker each day. Which is a little bit how I feel now.

All right, that was pure venting. Sorry. But it felt good to get it out. If I could, I'd toast now to "things getting better," for the sentiment and also so I could drink to it. Repeatedly.

I had hoped that I'd be able to tap into my Reader side this week, but the Mother part of me is crowding out everything else mentally. The difference this time is that it is being the mother to my mother.

So again, we have another personal post instead of anything to do with books, reading, or libraries. (Though to be fair to myself, it is my personal stories day.) I had thought I'd sit her in the business center room of the Radisson and tidy up some notes into a review or two. But instead there's a steady flow of Muzak that may be damaging my psyche and all I can think about is my own experience, right now.

I wouldn't talk about this openly if my mom read my blog, but she doesn't understand the Internet. Honestly though there's nothing that we haven't talked about anyway. Especially now that we're here in Baltimore beginning her treatments at Johns Hopkins. I never thought it would be easy, but I didn't think it would be this hard.

I couldn't have predicted the heat wave that makes it impossible to go outside for any length of time, nor could I have planned for a nearby water main break that has shut down some of the local eateries I was counting on. Maybe I should have been more realistic about my mom's strength in being able to walk a few blocks, and I could have been less optimistic about the side effects of treatment. I know I've been too hopeful about her ability to handle more on her own, and that worries me.

I have faith in the radiation therapy done with the best doctors in the best hospital in the country. But the fact that she's not feeling good or strong now, at the very beginning, is not a promising look at the next month. I feel bad for her, certainly, but I kind of feel bad for myself. (And feel guilty for feeling that way.) It's hard taking charge, making decisions, missing work, and leaving my kids behind to manage all this in another city. Talking among my friends, I know I'm not alone in the sandwich generation - taking care of kids and aging parents simultaneously - but haven't figured out how to manage it. Except, perhaps, one day at a time.

Other than long black eyelashes, the best thing my father gave me was a model for asking for things. Certainly not a perfect model as he has no shame. (Really, he doesn't. Boundaries are in question here, in the nicest sort of way.) It's more of a yardstick along which to compare my own requests on a continuum of how awkward it is to make the request against what the reward will be, while also considering the imposition involved and the relationship itself.

Let me start small. Both of my teen girls are attending a four-week summer program in theatre, dance, and music. We submitted their class choices in May in priority order and when the schedules came two weeks ago both girls were disappointed. Teen didn't get the videography class that she hoped would help her develop a better understanding of what a film major might entail. Also-Teen, the show-stopping singer, didn't get a choral or vocal class. But the information sent with the program was clear that the only changes that would be made were for administrative errors or level placement.

Teen debated whether to say something before the first day of class, weighing the embarrassment of asking for a change that specifically seemed to be outside what would be considered. When it came down to it, we both agreed that five minutes of awkwardness was worth the possibility of four-weeks in the right class. It turned out to be painless, with the administrator making the change quickly and pleasantly. With that knowledge - along with realizing that Also-Teen was definitely in a dance class too advanced for her - the girls went back to change her schedule to get a chorus class. Which they did. Perfect.

In that case, the girls weren't asking for anything extra. The asking was simply going against the implied procedure and the old standby of "you get what you get and you don't get upset." It's harder when it involves a true favor that puts someone out for your benefit. I have this situation coming up where I'll be staying with my mom for a week in Baltimore for her treatment, and need some help getting the girls home from their summer program. Here I have to weigh the asking against the awkwardness of asking, but also along the relationships I've made and the imposition it would cause. I hate this kind of asking, but have made it easier for myself by generally being the person who says yes to other's requests or offers favors where I see I can help. (Usually in carpooling. It's all about carpooling.) But it's still difficult to ask for help.

Then there's the hardest request of all. The one that relies less on the imposition and more on the relationship itself. My example, coming up soon, is wanting a place to stay in New York City the first full week in August to attend Also-Teen's Broadway program. I wouldn't put someone out by hosting us, but I'd happily accept a week in someone's Manhattan apartment as they vacation or live elsewhere. I've been lucky enough that we've gotten by this way for two years as my cousin was staying in Los Angeles and my friend was staying in Amsterdam. It's a difficult thing to ask - for someone to let you use their home - being so personal, so reliant on trust and the relationship. But in my weighing against reward, it would save me two or three thousand dollars on getting a hotel that was safe, clean, and convenient with two teens. So ask away I will. (Like now. I'm kind of sort of even asking now. You know, if you happen to have a place to lend to a future Broadway star.)

When I think about it over the years - and I have - I've found that there are RULES and there are "rules," in anything from the written directions for a summer program to the social conventions of relationships. I've come to a conclusion that you generally won't get what you want by not asking for it. And yet, it's still hard in considering what you ask for.

It's past time for a personal post, if for nothing else than to explain myself for the last month. I have all these blog-worthy events, including Book Expo America and my own 48 Hour Book Challenge, without the time to blog about them. But I am coming to the end of the month of crazy, and hope things will be a bit more functional.

Starting back at work in mid-May was wonderful, but certainly a new time drain at the most difficult period of the school year. On my fifth day of work I was doing a solo booktalking session at an elementary school, so it seems obvious that my first week at work was busy getting ready for making those presentations along with all the other new job stuff.

But nothing compares to the next two weeks where I went to BEA, did a school booktalk broadcast, went to a booktalking session, did and ran 48 Hour Book Challenge while arranging and/or attending Also-Teen's voice recital and dance practices. Then the second week I worked most days while helping my kids through the work and/or stress of finals, and gave a talk at the Children's Book Guild of Washington D.C. (thanks for having me!). Closed that week out with a teen sleepover at my house and then took my seventh eighth grade Girl Scouts to Great Wolf Lodge for their cookie money event.

This week I simply have to work while getting Also-Teen to her dance rehearsals and three recitals while finalizing her paperwork, course selection, and hopefully housing for the Broadway Artists Alliance program she's doing in New York City in August. (If anyone in the city will not be using their apartment during the week of August 5th, you could help a future Broadway star and her mother.)

Only then can I fully address the looming problem I've been avoiding all month. My mother will need month-long radiation treatment at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore where neither she nor I live. I'll be figuring that out in the next week, God help me.

There's a lot of good stuff there that was making the last few weeks crazy. Seriously positive, exciting, wonderful events. So I can't really complain. But I can explain the chaotic feeling and be ready for a calmer summer.

Last week I was speculating on going back to work in the public library system. Now with two work days behind me, I can say that it's all good.

My main worry had been not knowing what I didn't know. Having done the job for nine years, I was aware that subtle but significant changes can take place along over time. Different procedures, new databases, and branch particulars could influence the things I thought I knew. Then there are the things I've forgotten almost entirely, like trouble-shooting the Internet sign-ups and print jobs.

As it turns out, that wasn't as much a problem as I feared. The books, the library, the customer service are all coming back like riding a bicycle. If the other parts keep me a bit off-balance, then maybe it's like riding a unicycle. But either way, it's not stressful. My co-workers are nice, helpful, and understanding. The patrons have been patient, even when I lead them in the completely wrong direction in the library. (Oops.) There are definitely some things I need to learn or relearn, but I'm getting back in the game quickly.

In fact, I'll do my first book talking session in a week! I had been planning to do this as a volunteer anyway, so I did have some books planned. My Fair County puts together a list of books for the Summer Reading Program that used to consist of new titles, but now pulls from years of great books. The good thing for me is that they are titles I've used before, making the work that much easier. Of course, I never write these things down, so maybe not that much easier.

Since I'm starting with a kindergarten through third grade, my focus is on picture books today. Sharon Creech has written the perfect booktalk title with A Fine, Fine School about a principal who thinks school should go all the time because he's so proud of his students and teachers. Reading about keeping school going all year long is so much fun to do in a room full of kids days before summer break. I'm also looking at Bark, George as a read aloud, because it's first title I ever booktalked. Yup, really. I already have a stuffed rabbit to wear on my head to introduce A Boy and his Bunny, which I'll pitch as a beginning reader as well as a picture book. I'm also looking to the wonderful Steve Jenkins for Prehistoric Actual Size and the new Just a Second. Of course, it wouldn't be me if I didn't bring the magic of Mo Willems to my booktalk with the Elephant and Piggie series. I'm still pinning down my early chapter book selections, so I'll save them for next week. Stay tuned.