MotherReader

After a last-minute investigation fueled by incredulous disbelief, it does appear that 2008 is the one year in a five-year span where there is no credit provided for energy-efficient home improvements. Of course, that was the year we installed our expensive energy-efficient air handling system. My general bad timing streak continues. Wahoo!

But if I won’t be richer, at least I’ve had a few laughs. (Actually, that could be the motto for my life.) As I skimmed IRS publications to find some answers, I found instead some great categories in the areas of “Other Income”:

Bribes. If you receive a bribe, include it in your income.

Gambling winnings. You must include your gambling winnings in your income on Form 1040, line 21. If you itemize your deductions on Schedule A (Form 1040), you can deduct gambling losses you had during the year, but only up to the amount of your winnings.

Stolen property. If you steal property, you must report its fair market value in your income in the year you steal it unless in the same year, you return it to its rightful owner.

So don’t forget to declare your bribes and stolen property. I’m going to investigate the deduction for gambling losses for next time. I believe that records are involved, and that’s not a strong area in Vegas.

On my Las Vegas story, the votes came in for 3, 8, and 9. However, I’ve found the few people who’ve asked me about my trip want to know where we stayed, if we won any money, and if we saw any shows. My new short version is based on that assumption:

“We had a fantastic time. We stayed at the five-star Bellagio hotel for $109 a night, showing that even Vegas is feeling the recession. We saw and lost money in pretty much every fancy casino on the Strip. (But not a lot of money.) We went to a comedy club, a magic show, and Blue Man Group, all with discount tickets. It was a great trip.”

But for you, my blogging friends:

“We learned that the places look much closer together on the map, and I have the blisters to prove it. I found that if you argue long enough with the timeshare people, they will call security. But if you try sometimes, you just might find that you get what you need — and a comped lunch.”

Some here have expressed an interest in the timeshare story that involved security. It is a good story, but as the business in question resolved the issue — eventually — I won’t use their name.

On the first day of our trip, we successfully skirted several timeshare salesmen. But I couldn’t resist the call of two Blue Man Group tickets for $35. We booked an appointment for the next morning. That day we walked to the office — farther than we remembered — and waited for an additional thirty minutes in the office before the manager told us that they had overbooked. He could reschedule us for later that day or return our deposit for the tickets. We objected, saying that we had met our obligation by being there, and waiting half an hour while other customers who came in later were taken before us. (We don’t know why.) We wanted our tickets. The manager didn’t want to give us the tickets unless we took the tour. We asked to call his manager, and he gave us a number in Florida. We continued to state our case and requested a copy of the contract for our lawyer. As a new couple came in, we suggested that they might better spend their time elsewhere, which is when the assistant manager offered to have Security escort us out of the building. The manager returned to the room with no better offer, we left a message at the Florida number, and Security — in the form of a short, middle-aged man — came to escort us out of the building.

We immediately went to the timeshare sellers’ booth and told the family there that we just got cheated out of our tickets — which promptly caused them to leave. The security guard told us we couldn’t do that. We quoted the First Amendment. He talked about property rights. We had now involved all of the salespeople in our discussion — and they didn’t like the idea that they were sending people to the appointments if there weren’t enough agents. One of them called to the office as we monopolized the rest of them — in essence, shutting down the sales booth. After the call to the manager got no results, one salesperson referred us to the partner casino to talk to the manager there.

At the casino, I calmly explained the situation. The manager there was very understanding, even if at first look he seemed like the kind of guy who could have roughed us up in a back room. He agreed that things were handled badly and wanted to make it right. He gave us an upgrade on our tickets and a comp lunch at the casino. While Bill filled out the official complaint form, I talked to the manager about his kids and yes, books. (I’m sending him some of my review copies this week in thanks.) In the end, we didn’t spend any more time fighting for what was due to us than we would have spent on the tour and fighting the high-pressure sales tactics. However, I think we’ll stay clear the next time someone asks us, “Seeing any shows while you’re in town?”

Why aren’t there picture books set in Las Vegas? I mean, New York toddlers have tons to choose from about their city. I think it’s time for a Vegas Baby or Baby Needs a New Pair of Shoes. (Hey, that is actually is a book.) With those huge, fanciful buildings, Vegas makes a great book setting. The porn cards on the sidewalks don’t need to be featured.

Yeah, I have Vegas on the mind after coming back from my trip. We had a fantastic time. But I’m having trouble with my short-version recap. I’ve done the full story — with photos — that you tell to people who care or who have to pretend to care. I’ve got that down. The mini-response, of course, is any near synonym of great. But then there is the difficult short version, for people who ask you when they have two minutes to spare, and you say, “It was great/fantastic/wild/surreal. We went/saw/did/stayed/learned/found ______, _____, and _______.”

I don’t know what to use for the blanks. So here are some highlights of our trip, and perhaps you can vote in the comments for your favorite three.

1. We stayed at the five-star Bellagio hotel for $109 a night, so this recession thing may be real.
   
2. We went to and lost money in pretty much every fancy casino on the Strip. (But not a lot of money.)
   
3. We learned that the places look much closer together on the map, and I have the blisters to prove it.
   
4. We saw the dolphin and lion habitat at the Mirage, but the exhibit was greatly enhanced by being able to sit down.
   
5. I did play blackjack at three casinos, and ended $15 down at the really scuzzy one, which kinda figures.
   
6. We found that the Strip is to Downtown as Whitney Houston is to Britney Spears (before Whitney got druggie).
   
7. We went to a comedy club, a magic show, and Blue Man Group with discount tickets — not that it was easy.
   
8. I found that if you argue long enough with the timeshare people, they will call security.
   
9. We learned that if you try sometimes, you just might find that you get what you need — and a comped lunch.
   
10. We did take the red-eye back, were delayed in NYC, and I went to work two hours after we landed.

Vote for your favorite three and that will be my new short-version Vegas story. It’s all in your hands now.

This week both our vacation plans and our DVR imploded. I’ve spent a lot of time online trying to reconcile the fact that airline fares are going down to lure in travelers in a tanking economy with the reality that I can’t find a reasonable flight from DC to Las Vegas. It’s maddening. At the same time our satellite digital recorder died, taking with it hours of unwatched movies and TV shows, along with the ability to tape new shows. I can look at this as a mixed blessing. While it is annoying to have lost all those things we were going to watch, now we have less on our list of things to do.

I was worried about missing President Obama with Jay Leno last night, but fortunately the whole thing is available on the Tonight Show website. It’s a great interview, where Obama covers the AIG and banking issues, but also talks about how cool it is to ride on Air Force One. It’s no secret that I am a big Obama fan, but I loved watching him talk in this setting. He’s so genuine.

I’m too distracted to come up with a poem for Poetry Friday, but will direct you to the host, Wild Rose Reader. Besides, I have to save my energy to host Nonfiction Monday in three days. I’m looking at a woman in history book for my review... you know, for Women’s History Month. How about you?

I’m back, tired and a little bit poorer, because no, I did not win money. But I did come home with some valuable knowledge about myself, gambling, and Las Vegas.

I realized that I want to be rich, but only on vacation. Ninety-five percent of the time, I don’t particularly want to be wealthy. I don’t crave $500 shoes or $5,000 purses. I enjoy seeing big, well-decorated houses, but I don’t strive to live in one. Fancy cars, diamond jewelry, and designer clothes don’t do it for me. However, on vacation I would LOVE to be one of those people who don’t think about money. People who go to $100 shows every night and start their gambling stash with $1,000. I also wouldn’t mind being rich enough to take lots of vacations in the first place. Mercedes, Tiffany’s, and Prada? No. Milan, Tahiti, and Peru? Yes!

I finally understand gambling. I’ve played slot machines a couple of times, but I always had in mind what I was comfortable losing. So if I was out all night and lost thirty dollars, it didn’t matter. I knew I had gotten thirty dollars of entertainment plus the free drinks that they bring around, so I was fine with losing. I’d rather win, but I could afford to lose.

This trip I decided that I was going to play at the tables at least once. When my group went to the Bellagio one morning, the chance came to me. There was a blackjack table open with a friendly dealer and two nice women. I thought if I was going to lose money — and I fully expected to — I’d rather lose it in this classy, serene casino with pleasant people. The table had a ten-dollar minimum per bet. Oh boy. As I played, I realized that this was gambling. To get that rush, you have to put in more than you feel comfortable betting. I never understood that, because I never tried it. I suspect, too, that as you get used to that set amount — whatever it is for you — then you have to bet higher and higher to get the same charge. No wonder gambling is so addictive.

As for me, I played for about thirty minutes with nice people in a classy, serene casino. I was up by twenty dollars at one point, and down by fifty at another. In the end, I lost twenty dollars, but I left feeling good because it was such an interesting and exhilarating experience. Sometimes it’s worth it to leave your comfort zone for a little while.

Now, Las Vegas. Even though I was one of my group to suggest this vacation, I didn’t quite understand the attraction of Las Vegas. I do now. It’s a combination of a frat crawl and Disney World, but for adults. People walk through the streets carrying beers like it’s one big party. At ten in the morning! While bars in D.C. seem to be for the twenty-something crowd, in Las Vegas all ages seem welcome. Also like a frat party, people go out of their way to meet other people. (I got chatted up a bit, to the amusement of my friends.) Then there’s the Disney World element of replicas of fabulous places — but instead of Cinderella’s castle, it’s Parisian streets or Egyptian pyramids. Top it all off with a sense that your parents Wouldn’t Approve — a exciting/nervous feeling that you may not have had since high school — and there you have the winning combination that makes Las Vegas special.

Anyway, I had a great time and I’m looking forward to going back with Bill. Or hey, maybe for a Kidlitosphere conference?

Well, in recognition of MR’s Vegas trip, we thought it might be an opportune time to reprint this review (which originally ran almost two years ago) of Ben Mezrich’s books Bringing Down the House and its followup Busting Vegas. Especially in light of the former’s imminent movie adaptation. Enjoy, and rest assured that Pam will be back soon, though perhaps a few dollars lighter.

Hey, we can’t all be MIT whiz kids.

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Win Money Playing Blackjack

That was what I was supposed to be doing. But our plans to go to Atlantic City for the beginning of spring break fell through. Instead I found myself on Monday sitting on the front porch, and then the back porch, and then the front porch again, reading about gambling. No, I correct myself. Not reading about gambling — reading about winning.

(Did you hear that? That was the sound of people leaving this site when they found out it was about books, not blackjack.)

Ben Mezrich’s two books, Busting Vegas: The MIT Whiz Kid Who Brought The Casinos To Their Knees and Bringing Down the House: The Inside Story of Six M.I.T. Students Who Took Vegas For Millions, are extraordinary. They are action-adventure books for geeks. They give the nerds their day in the sun. You know, in case übernerd Bill Gates ruling the world wasn’t enough for you.

In Busting Vegas, the author tracks a M.I.T. kid who learns a new system for beating blackjack. It is almost cheating, but not quite. Using three techniques more sophisticated than card counting, he and his team make tons of money — in one case fifty thousand dollars in one hand. In ten minutes of play. Of course, you can’t make that kind of money without drawing some attention, and some of it isn’t the nice kind of attention. For with the comped suite and plane ticket and arena fight, there’s back-room intimidation, gunpoint confrontations, and one memorable plane crash. It wasn’t an easy life for a kid, but it sure was a profitable one, and now he is sharing his secrets with us.

In Bringing Down the House, the author presents a group of M.I.T. students who find their way to money through card counting. But this isn’t your Rain Man kind of card counting; this is a simple high-low strategy the students are learning. But that strategy alone won’t pull in the kind of money they want, and it always attracts the attention of the casino managers — who don’t like card-counters. Instead, the students work in teams, with “Spotters” playing hands until the decks get “hot” with high cards, then the “Big Players” swoop in on a signal, and play hard and fast on the good run. Then they take off with the winnings and everyone splits it later. But again, with the freebies and money come danger and risk. And sometimes, even with the best odds in your favor, the cards don’t go your way.

Both of these books were quick, incredible reads. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to play a little blackjack.

With all respects to the King, here’s my slightly altered, more poetic version of a classic song.

Oh, bright light city
Set my soul on fire.
Piles of money to burn
Raise the stakes higher.
Viva Las Vegas
With your neon flashing,
And your one-armed bandits
Crashing
All those hopes
down the drain.
Viva Las Vegas
Turning the day into nighttime,
Turn the night into daytime.
If you see it once,
you’ll never come home again.

Yes, I’m off to Vegas today. Nope, not bringing the kids. Nope, not the husband either. I’m going with my friends from college and we’re celebrating twenty years of friendship with one fabulous trip. There’s some gambling on the itinerary, which also includes finding an Elvis impersonator and seeing the largest gold nugget in existence. Maybe it’s really more of a scavenger hunt than an itinerary. In any case, wish me luck. With the gambling, not the gold nugget search.

Poetry Friday round-up is hosted by Jama Rattigan.