Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom, by Celia Rivenbark, is a series of humorous essays within the topics of Kids, Celebrities, Vanity, Husbands, and Southern Living. I was most a fan of Kids, but all of the book made me choke back laughter (I read a good deal of it at my daughter’s ballet class.)
The title story reflects my own irritation at this particular fashion problem of moms:
We headed for our favorite department store, ready to take that leap into the new world of 716. Bye-bye, 46X, I thought to myself with a tug of sadness. My baby was growing up.This topic is pretty standard conversations among moms who are also distressed that the first grader clothes are lumped in with the clothes for middle schoolers and that the trend has been kind of slutty-looking stuff. But we don’t say it as funny as this:
And apparently into a prostitute.
When did this happen? Who decided that my six-year-old should dress like a Vegas showgirl? And one with an abundance of anger issues at that?But here’s where the author truly won my heart within her writing on Celebrities:
Although the endless celebrity perfume is tiresome, it’s still not so irksome as the celebrities thinking that just because they had a cameo on Baywatch one time, they’re now ready to write for kids.I think we have a new BACA member, people.
Madonna’s leading the pack with an entire series of children’s books. Whose idea was it to give Madonna a five-book kids’ book deal? What’s next? A parenting book by Michael Jackson? (What to Expect When One of us is Painfully Weird at Best or a Child Molester at Worst?)
Why does every celebrity think they should write a children’s book? Usually they’re still feeling the last bliss of the epidural when they bark at the nurse, “Call my agent! The world needs my children’s book.”
...But Madonna? Does the world really need her take on Puss’n Boots? (Then again, the original features a velvet-vested cat wearing nothing more than the vest, a smile, and some fetching thigh-high leather boots, so perhaps we have nothing to fear.)
The book is full of great lines and funny perspectives. I wasn’t familiar with the author, but she has written other books that I’ll be looking up soon. I like my kids’ lit, but I need to work in some good hearty laughs to keep my sense of humor in shape.