105 Ways to Give a Book

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a SkankIt would be really helpful to me as a potential author if people would stop writing books that I was clearly intended to write.

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom, by Celia Rivenbark, is a series of humorous essays within the topics of Kids, Celebrities, Vanity, Husbands, and Southern Living. I was most a fan of Kids, but all of the book made me choke back laughter (I read a good deal of it at my daughter’s ballet class.)

The title story reflects my own irritation at this particular fashion problem of moms:
We headed for our favorite department store, ready to take that leap into the new world of 7–16. Bye-bye, 4–6X, I thought to myself with a tug of sadness. My baby was growing up.

And apparently into a prostitute.
This topic is pretty standard conversations among moms who are also distressed that the first grader clothes are lumped in with the clothes for middle schoolers — and that the trend has been kind of slutty-looking stuff. But we don’t say it as funny as this:
When did this happen? Who decided that my six-year-old should dress like a Vegas showgirl? And one with an abundance of anger issues at that?
But here’s where the author truly won my heart within her writing on Celebrities:
Although the endless celebrity perfume is tiresome, it’s still not so irksome as the celebrities thinking that just because they had a cameo on Baywatch one time, they’re now ready to write for kids.

Madonna’s leading the pack with an entire series of children’s books. Whose idea was it to give Madonna a five-book kids’ book deal? What’s next? A parenting book by Michael Jackson? (What to Expect When One of us is Painfully Weird at Best or a Child Molester at Worst?)

Why does every celebrity think they should write a children’s book? Usually they’re still feeling the last bliss of the epidural when they bark at the nurse, “Call my agent! The world needs my children’s book.”

...But Madonna? Does the world really need her take on Puss’n Boots? (Then again, the original features a velvet-vested cat wearing nothing more than the vest, a smile, and some fetching thigh-high leather boots, so perhaps we have nothing to fear.)
I think we have a new BACA member, people.

The book is full of great lines and funny perspectives. I wasn’t familiar with the author, but she has written other books that I’ll be looking up soon. I like my kids’ lit, but I need to work in some good hearty laughs to keep my sense of humor in shape.

18 comments:

Susan said...

hey, MR. Thanks for this review; the book sounds like one I'd like. My pet peeve with the boy clothes is the emphasis in camouflage--while we're in the middle of a WAR. Argh.

Susan said...

just two more things...

my library has the book. Yay!

I looked up her bio online; it's really funny.

http://www.celiarivenbark.com/Biography.htm

jean gralley said...

Hi MotherReader,

Sorry to have to leave a cryptic message here but I'm not sure how else to reach you about a business matter... Could you please email me directly at jean@biguniverse.com?

Thanks very much! I love your blog.

Jean

b. Johansen Newman said...

Thanks much for the review! This sounds like my kind of book, just like a mother/blogger who calls herself a smartass is my kind of blog.

PLUS-- I genuflect at the feet of an author who calls Madonna into question in print. Generally, I think that many authors/papers/magazines/broadcasters have been afraid to actually call her out. What they are afraid of, I do not know, but they have been all too damn quiet as far as I am concerned.

This book deserves lots of press for that noble act alone.

HipWriterMama said...

Oh my goodness. I am laughing with your introduction to this post. Must get this book now. Thanks for this recommendation.

Elaine Magliaro said...

MR,

Thanks for the review and excerpts. I must order a copy for myself. My daughter is now twenty-seven--but I can still recall shopping with her for dresses when she was in her early teen years. She refused to look for clothes in shops she referred to as "slut" stores.

Kathy said...

Thanks for the review - and like Susan, my library has it - woohoo!! We are going through the clothing issue with my 9 year old right now, it dosen't help that she is skinny and has long legs, so every pair of shorts that fit her waist are short, shorts - ugh!

MotherReader said...

Kathy,
True dat on the shorts issue. My 11yr old is skinny with the longest legs. The other day her teacher pulled her aside to tell her that her shorts were a little too short. But I was all "Your shorts aren't too short, baby, it's just that your legs are too damn long."

jules said...

Oh heavens, this sounds funny. Thanks.

TadMack said...

Oh, wow. Even sans requisite six-year-old, I must read this book! I went on Amazon and read a random chapter on Days of Our Lives. Another tea spewing moment...

Thanks for this one!

Little Willow said...

YAY for the movie news/love Robin posted about at her blog!

Liz in Ink said...

Oh my god. I'm dying. Will be passing this on to other MOGs (mothers of girls), for shared rage and hilarity...

Kelly said...

Let me just say "WORD" to Susan before I move on. My boy is like the only one in his class not allowed to wear camo. I'm probably damaging him in some way, but, in the end, you have to take a stand somewhere.

I also want to add that there's no reason Middle School girls should be dressing like sluts either. To find clothing for my 11 year old is like a nightmare. I despite those t-shirts with the mini sweaters that look like bras attached to them. Hate the pink and the mini skirts.

Okay, got to stop ranting. I'm heading off to find this book...

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

Camo is making its way into girls' clothing too-- pink camo for example. Here is an article I read in UTNE called The Devil Wears Camo, by Mark Dery.

Jen Barney said...

I MUST GET THIS BOOK! THE TITLE ALONE IS GREAT!!

Anonymous said...

Dear MotherReader,
I'm doing a project for school and I happen to look at your site and noticed that you wrote about what I want to talk about in my project. I wish I had the book, it would of helped a lot!!

DaJoy said...

great review! i have the book, its amazing!

Anonymous said...

MR,

I am a father of three, two of them are girls. One just started kindergarten and I'm furious at the clothes for 5 year olds. Either it's tart-ware or hippie crap. I'd rather her wear the hippie style than the slut style, but it's irritating. You never realize how disgusting it is until you have a girl in that situation asking if low rider jeans is okay because mommy wears them... it isn't. I thought I was the only one who was pissed off with current children fashion. However, as a military guy, the camo doesn't bother me. I feel that even in war or peace time it's not a recruitment ploy, more like support for the soldiers in some weird capitalistic way. Just my personal opinion and not saying yours is wrong.

Thank you for showing me that parents still care,

Military dad