105 Ways to Give a Book

The Funniest Adult Novel That I Have Ever Read

Yesterday was “Take Your Daughter or Son to Work Day.” Today was “Take Your Fourth Grader To School At 6:45 a.m. So She Can Go On The Jamestown Field Trip Day.” And, apparently, it was also “Take Your Advil Because Your Head Is Pounding Day.”

Who would have though we could get that many capital letters into this post so far? Not me, that’s for sure.

Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued AboutAnyway, I’m wiped out. It’s time for an adult book for everyone to enjoy, but I got nothin’ new. And next week doesn’t look good either, since I have fourteen young adult books checked out and stacked on my living room floor.

So, without further ado, the book is... Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About by Mil Millington. The book came together from the website, which is a long, long list of things his girlfriend and he argued about. Put these in a book, add a thriller plot involving the Chinese mafiosi, and mix throughout with Mil Millington’s British wit, and you’ve got one perfect book. Oh, and there’s this:
Look, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to come right out with it, all right?

I work in a library.

There. There, I’ve told you, and I feel somehow cleansed. That said, I do need to press on pretty quickly and explain that it’s not a public library. Ahhh, what a delicious dream that would be; old men with Thermos flasks quietly asleep in the newspaper section, erratically cut handouts for the women’s keep-fit club... you could go gently mad in a place like that and never be bothered by anyone. Sadly, the cradling arms of such a library were not around me.

Presumably because I spent a previous life beating tiny puppies with thorny sticks, I had been cast into the library at the University of Northeastern England... it had its own set of degree courses, including “Scratch-card studies,” “Eggs and stuff you can do with them” and the groundbreaking “Turning up.”

And this:
TSR, however, is someone whose proximity alone is enough to double the volume on my nerves. Some people just “give off” moods. That, I suppose, is what’s called charisma. I don’t have charisma. I AM double-jointed — I can bend my thumbs back until they touch my upper forearms — which I like to think is pretty close to charisma, though.

And this:
I believe effort is a finite resource, something to be used only when no other option is available. For me, halfheartedness is a full quarter too hearted.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.


Bill Coughlan said...

I also have to throw in my recommendation for Millington's second novel, A Certain Chemistry, which proved that he could be just as hilarious while exploring a whole different arena.

I haven't yet read his latest, Love And Other Near-Death Experiences, but I can't wait to do so.

He also maintains a regular mailing list, which makes me smile every time I see it in my inbox. (You can sign up via his site if you're so inclined.)

Kelly said...

Oh, this looks right up my alley, MR. I will definitely look for it immediately. Thanks for the rec.

Lazy cow said...

I *love* this book, and his website makes me laugh more than anything.