MotherReader

I got this idea to read the book Sex and the City by Candace Bushnell. I had read it long ago before I started watching the HBO show Sex and the City, and now that I have seen and enjoyed the show, I thought it would be fun to go back to the book. The book is not the same as the show. The characters and situations are taken from the book, especially the earliest shows where they would have “man on the street” interview comments interpersed throughout the show. But the show changed characters around, changed their relationships to one another, and changed some of the scenarios. All and all though, an interesting companion for fans of the show.

But what I found most intriguing about this book was how it made me feel. I envied the fun, partying life of these New Yorkers while similtaneously feeling relieved that I didn’t have to participate in these dating rituals. On the personal side, I met my husband right after college, so I never had that time after school but all on my own. There are chances you can take and mistakes you can make that are impossible when another person is involved. And that is good and bad. But reading this book just made me realize how hard it is to be... out there. And led me to read the next book.

In one of the shows of Sex and the City, one of the female characters is talking with her girlfriends — and one guy — about a less than successful date. The women reassure her that she is wonderful and of course he will call her. The guy shocks everybody by saying, “It sounds like he’s just not that into you.” This statement changes the way she approaches her relationships. Imagine, not having to analyze every little thing a potential boyfriend does. If he really, really likes her, it will show.

The idea resonates so strongly, that the guy consultant on the show — from whom the episode was formulated — writes a book entitled He’s Just Not That Into You. Now, it has been a bestseller, so I’ve never seen it at my library, but now it has been out for a while, so I go to the shelf to look at it, and lo and behold, there it is. So I spend my boring, rainy Saturday at the library skim-reading this book. And I have to say it has changed how I look at interactions that I have had with men in the past. He doesn't call you back? He’s just not that into you. He doesn’t want to drive down to meet you for lunch? He’s just not that into you. He ignores you around his friends? He’s just not that into you. In fact, I have just given away the entire book. The only advice in the book is — now say it with me — he’s just not that into you. So, why don’t men just say so? Because apparently, a man would rather gnaw off his left arm than tell you this simple truth. Single women should read this book because after the tenth question and answer posed, it does start to sink in.

And men, if you would, let me hear from you. Is it true? Is it really that simple?