105 Ways to Give a Book

Guys, It’s About Time

Today I discovered that we had no honey for me to make my favorite sandwich, peanut butter and honey. And we didn’t have milk, so I wouldn’t want peanut butter anyway, ’cause what is a peanut butter sandwich without milk? Just wrong, I tell you. With a moment’s reflection, I decided upon tuna fish, and the sigh that inadvertently escaped my body at that moment of decision reflected my extreme irritation at having to take the time to make a tuna fish sandwich. You would think I had to catch, scale, and fillet the tuna for the internal reaction it caused. Changing the paradigm, I decided to time my tuna fish sandwich making process. Four minutes. And that included toasting the bread and putting some Fritos on the plate. Maybe I have that kind of time. Other things I tend to put off that I have timed:

Unloading the dishwasher: Four minutes with my kids helping, three minutes with them not helping.

Opening two days of mail: Six minutes. While eating a tuna fish sandwich, seven minutes.

Reading my email today: Two minutes.

Thinking about why no one sends me emails: Two minutes.

Going to my site to reread my “Ode to Seuss”: One minute.

Calling a friend to ask why he hasn’t read my “Ode to Seuss” yet, or does he even really like me at all, ’cause I know he is my husband’s friend, but really, I listen to all of his crap and overuse of profanity, so can’t he like spend ONE minute to check out my site after I have only told him about it four times: Fourteen minutes.

So, remember today, we have the time. Don’t make me call you.
Category: 3 comments


Emy said...

You know what's even better than peanut butter & honey? PB&H on homemade bread. I happened to have some this morning as I read your post (tossed ingredients in bread machine last night, it turned out okay...don't think for a minute that I kneaded it all myself, HA!), and PB&H is one of my favorite things too, so that's what I had for breakfast. YUM. So thank you for reminding me. :)

Anonymous said...

OKOKOK [gosh],

Before you try asking your husband for my number to prank-call me and ask if I have read your Wonderful Happy Birthday 'Ode to Seuss' post, I would like you inform you that I have, in fact, read it...once. I've been back in the US for 2.5 days and still am very distracted by everything that is not: the beach, a hammock, Brazilian people, very warm and sunny or a cold 4.7% beer.

Actually, I took the time [14 mins] to catch up on all your posts that I have missed while away. I mention this because I will most likely be commenting on them with whatever type of humor I do not have.

talk to you soon,
B [5 mins]

ps. almost anything with honey is delicious :)

Anonymous said...

My overuse of profanity, WTF! You and I would be equally at home on a ship with Popeye. I did read your ode, I just didn't comment. I usually don't comment, because folks love to let me know that I am angry. Well if I don't comment, I don't have to hear it. But I digress, It is a great poem, and I did read it.