105 Ways to Give a Book

Dick in a Book

In news that did not take the KidLit/YA community by storm, Dick Cheney is writing his memoirs. In late June, the Associated Press carried the story of Cheney’s $2 million-ish deal with Theshold Editions, a conservative subsidiary of Simon and Schuster. It included this great quote at the end:
“He knows he’s called Darth Vader,” said Simon & Schuster’s Carolyn Reidy. “He’s aware of how he’s been portrayed. But I didn’t feel any defensiveness when I met with him.”
Now you finish the quote:
  1. “Of course, I was wearing a necklace of garlic, holding a cross, and carrying a gun with one silver bullet just in case.”

  2. “I did, however, feel like I’d never be happy again, as if every good feeling and memory were being sucked out of me leaving me with nothing but my worst experiences.”

  3. “I will say that I’m glad I had Febreze, because it was extremely helpful against the lingering stench of evil.”

  4. “And after he left, I had the strangest sense of a cleaner mind as if it had been washed in some way. He’s a powerful man who is right in every opinion he holds.”
Now I’m just the opening act, warming you up for the funniest article I’ve read in recent times, as Gene Weingarten discusses his attempts to research the Cheney book deal. When he contacted the publisher, he was asked if he was “pro-book” and to pre-submit his questions. He decided to do so with his column in The Washington Post Magazine. It is well worth a read if you dislike Cheney and like laughing. All the questions cracked me up, but I’ll share Question Three:
May I presume that Mr. Cheney will be remunerated in his customary way: a gunnysack filled with unblemished human heads?
The Washington Post also invited readers to submit possible opening paragraphs for the memoirs, resulting in wonderful selections like:
Words can hurt every bit as much as physical abuse. I should know. Throughout my vice presidency I was painted by opponents as a warmonger who controlled the President’s every move. They said that I usurped power from Congress, lied to the public about the threat from Iraq, gleefully greenlighted torture of suspected terrorists, and trampled on the Constitution. Yes, I bear the scars of many malicious words. The purpose of this memoir is to set the record straight: In fact, I have the heart of a liberal. It’s in a jar on my desk.


BJW said...

Well, your blog title made me cough water up my nose. Aww dick, gonna miss you when you finally end up in jail.

Anonymous said...

I should not be reading this or laughing about it in the Children's Room, should I? Ah, well.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Pam. Thank you so, so, so much.

*reaches for towels to clean computer screen from repeated spit-takes*

Kristi(e) said...

And the award for Best Blog Title in 2009 goes to...

Everything about this was amazing. Thank you.