MotherReader

In light of recent events, it seemed like the BACA logo needed to be made. It pays to be married to a graphic designer.

Oh, and I’ll go ahead and reprint the original two “BACA” articles; the first, “BACA Off,” set the stage for this groundbreaking organization, and the second, “Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors (BACA),” sort of formalized it.

As founder and... what the hell, president of BACA, I probably have to talk about this whole Laura & Jenna Bush book thing. There are definitely levels of celebrity author irritation, and this announcement does hit pretty close to the top. The lowest level is for the celebrity authors whose names and books you can’t quite remember days after the press release. Like what’s-his-name with the new football picture book (I am actually thinking of a new person and picture book here). Then there are the celebrity author announcements that are so ridiculous they don’t even need the help of BACA to scorn and mock. Like ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell (though this guy did a knock-out job). Of course, the highest level of celebrity author irritation is reserved for Madonna, but specifically for her book Lotsa de Casha, in which the rich character learns that the path to happiness is in giving away his money. See, it’s the hypocrisy and sheer chutzpah that mark this book as a 10 on the BACA Irritation Scale.

Now, the Laura & Jenna Bush thing is in the high numbers, for sure. Maybe some will say that whatever else Laura Bush may be, she’s a teacher and a librarian, and that gets her off the hook. Not me. I tend to believe that her influence on children’s reading might best be served in the current political administration. After all, she was paraded around during the campaign circuit largely on her “education” credentials — which at least implies that she has some influence. Of course, that was likely just political posturing... which also makes the book annoying because then, you know, don’t rub it in. It also seems possible that the model for the “little boy” who doesn’t like to read is her husband — though if he ends up liking to read in the book, she’s obviously tacking on a “Hollywood ending.”

Personally, I feel bad that the books will illustrated by Junie B. veteran Denise Brunkus, because I love my Junie B. Jones books. But hopefully she can call up poor Kadir Nelson for moral support.


From a post at Big A, little a, I find that Madonna has a line of children’s clothes based on her book The English Roses. That the line has been available for some time does not change the fact that I just heard about it now. And now is when I am reacting. I’m officially sick of celebrity authors.

I could complain about the quality of the work. Oh boy, could I complain. But what’s sticking in my craw is the greed. Come on, leave us our little bit of turf. If you can be famous (and usually rich) in your field of acting or music or global domination, leave the world of children’s literature for other people to become a tiny bit famous. Because you can imagine, for every book deal these celebrities strike, that’s less of the kid-lit pie for another author trying to get a break. Do celebrities have to be so greedy to take every aspect of everything because they can? Is that a good enough reason? It’s not... it’s just not... fair.

Now, I really don’t think that actors and musicians and global dominators will stay away from this tiny territory I’d like to carve off, fence in, and defend with a shotgun. But I can dream. And to that end, I initiate Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors, or BACA, and I state today, “BACA Off Kids’ Lit!”

Join if you like, if not for me, than for poor Kadir Nelson. The man deserves an author worthy of his work, and as long as the Spike Lees of the world are around, it ain’t gonna happen.

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The Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors (BACA) really struck a chord out there. I’m being asked for a logo, guidelines, and a bumper sticker. Who knew?

The logo is in the works. I hope. I’ll say no more at this juncture.

Guidelines for celebrity author exceptions is tricky. I mean, first you’re letting in Lithgow, then Julie Andrews, and next thing you know Pamela Anderson’s got a book deal (title: Who’s Your Daddy?). It’s a slippery slope. The librarian host of The Magic of Books suggested allowing no exceptions for trading on name recognition, but allowing celebrities to write a book under another name. Yeah, like that’s going to happen. But I’m signing off on that rule, because it sounds good in theory.

However, I know we probably all have our personal exception, and that will be worked into the secret handshake. So, at the June membership meeting, I’ll shake your hand, wink, and say “Lithgow.” You’ll wink, and say “Julie Andrews,” or your preferred exception. Then we’ll both smile and nod knowingly. If you don’t have a preferred exception, then you can say “Carrot Top,” because that would be the funniest exception ever. (“I don’t like the work of Jamie Lee Curtis, but that Carrot Top is going places in children’s literature.”)

Fuse#8 wondered about the benefits of membership, considering the possibility that members would have free rein to whack an offending author on the head with his or her own work. While that would be lovely, it might lead to unfortunate arrests and unnecessary back strain from having to carry around all the relevant books on the off chance that one might run into Billy Joel at the corner Starbucks. So, I’m afraid I cannot endorse such actions, even though I might enjoy them.

Benefits of membership will include opportunities to display the logo on your page, to be particularly smug about celebrity authors, and to receive free soda refills at participating Wendy’s.

As BACA members, we will strive to shun celebrity authors in the blogging world. When a non-celebrity illustrator deserves to be recognized, the BACA member may wish to consider the “Spike Lee Who?” option. For instance, a blogger might note the exceptional work of Kadir Nelson by pointing out the availability of the book Please, Puppy, Please “as illustrated by Kadir Nelson and written by some guy.” We will, as members, avoid giving undue publicity to celebrity authors, with the possible allowance of subjecting said celebrity authors to scorn and ridicule.

Our slogan: BACA off kids’ lit! It will look great on a bumper sticker. (NOTE: And now — as of August 13, 2007 — it does.)

As president, I guess, of Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors, I try to live by the code that I created. Namely this:

As BACA members, we will strive to shun celebrity authors in the blogging world... We will, as members, avoid giving undue publicity to celebrity authors, with the possible allowance of subjecting said celebrity authors to scorn and ridicule.

Often I bypass opportunities to mention celebrity work. Other than my initial outrage about Jenna Bush writing a Young Adult book, I’ve remained quiet. At this point I have read the book, Ana’s Story, and the best — and worst — I’ll say is that I no longer believe that a ghost writer was involved.

But occasionally, along comes a book so wrong that I must employ the “scorn and ridicule” part of the BACA code. I’d be doing the community — nay, the nation — a disservice to do any less. It’s even forced me to take the MotherReader offerings to a new level, which you’ll see at the end of the post

So: The Alphabet from A to Y with Bonus Letter Z! by Steve Martin and Roz Chast. At first glance, such a wealth of possibility. Good title, for one. Steve Martin is an accomplished author of adult books that are pretty darn good. He’s a funny guy, a former wild and crazy guy. One can assume he’s a person in touch with his inner child.

Apparently, his inner child on hallucenogenic drugs.

I’m sorry, but as a children’s picture book, the book is bad. Bad, bad, bad. The rhymes are nonsensical, but not in that playful way that some writers can pull off. The text is more surreal, with a so-sophisticated tone. It’s hard to even pick the worst, so here’s a fairly random sample:

Clunky Clarissa, all clingy and clueless,
Left California and now she is shoeless.

WTF? On how many levels is this couplet just wrong? I’d say clunky as a body description is pretty disturbing. Clingy and clueless seem pretty adult to me, and shoeless is a pretty random rhyme for the sadly used clueless. Maybe it should have been a tip-off that several of the rhyming dictionaries wouldn’t match the word clueless with anything. Take a hint.

Another stellar writing example:

Pedro the puppy piled poop on his paws
And Papa Dog published his photo because.

Here, the inappropriate nature of this rhyme is supported by the illustration of an angry papa dog scolding Pedro while showing him the magazine cover of him proudly posing with poop on his paws. What kind of weird mixed messages are going on in this household? Can you say long-term therapy?

Which brings us to the illustrations by Roz Chast... Hmmm, don’t know that name. Hold on. Yes, New Yorker cartoonist Roz Chast. Of course, because I’ve always thought, “If only there were more New Yorker cartoons for kids.”

No, no, no! These cartoons are so wrong and sometimes even dreadfully inappropriate for kids. I’ll give her teeny, tiny props for managing to include lots of items in each illustration using the featured letter. But I can’t forgive using a drunk under the letter D. I’m not happy with the misspelled text in the balloon, “Kids! Kome back! Have some kosher kasha! I kovered it in ketchup!” or on a book on the floor, “Inglish for Idiots.” Overall, I hate that the cartoons are definitely from an adult world — even when children are featured — and are presented with a surreal quasi-sophistication that is NOT FOR KIDS.

And yes, I meant to shout that, because one thing that will force me to employ my powers of snark is when people market books to children that are NOT FOR KIDS. And all the BACA sirens are wailing because (1) people are buying this book (how sad), and (2) it would never have been published if it weren’t coming from a celebrity.

Hey, I’m not happy about this myself. I like Steve Martin. I think he’s a talented man — as an actor, yes, but I was also willing to cut him slack as a writer based on his adult books, which were pretty good. Man, he was even awarded at the Kennedy Center Honors last night.

But I have to say it, and I have to say it loud: BACA OFF KIDS’ LIT! (That goes double for you, Roz Chast.) If you need to say it too, the MotherReader store is now open.

(The post title would be better sung to the tune of “Backstreet’s Back,” just in case you missed the reference.)

The Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors (BACA) really struck a chord out there. I’m being asked for a logo, guidelines, and a bumper sticker. Who knew?

The logo is in the works. I hope. I’ll say no more at this juncture.

Guidelines for celebrity author exceptions is tricky. I mean, first you’re letting in Lithgow, then Julie Andrews, and next thing you know Pamela Anderson’s got a book deal (title: Who’s Your Daddy?). It’s a slippery slope. The librarian host of The Magic of Books suggested allowing no exceptions for trading on name recognition, but allowing celebrities to write a book under another name. Yeah, like that’s going to happen. But I’m signing off on that rule, because it sounds good in theory.

However, I know we probably all have our personal exception, and that will be worked into the secret handshake. So, at the June membership meeting, I’ll shake your hand, wink, and say “Lithgow.” You’ll wink, and say “Julie Andrews,” or your preferred exception. Then we’ll both smile and nod knowingly. If you don’t have a preferred exception, then you can say “Carrot Top,” because that would be the funniest exception ever. (“I don’t like the work of Jamie Lee Curtis, but that Carrot Top is going places in children’s literature.”)

Fuse#8 wondered about the benefits of membership, considering the possibility that members would have free rein to whack an offending author on the head with his or her own work. While that would be lovely, it might lead to unfortunate arrests and unnecessary back strain from having to carry around all the relevant books on the off chance that one might run into Billy Joel at the corner Starbucks. So, I’m afraid I cannot endorse such actions, even though I might enjoy them.

Benefits of membership will include opportunities to display the logo on your page, to be particularly smug about celebrity authors, and to receive free soda refills at participating Wendy’s.

As BACA members, we will strive to shun celebrity authors in the blogging world. When a non-celebrity illustrator deserves to be recognized, the BACA member may wish to consider the “Spike Lee Who?” option. For instance, a blogger might note the exceptional work of Kadir Nelson by pointing out the availability of the book Please, Puppy, Please “as illustrated by Kadir Nelson and written by some guy.” We will, as members, avoid giving undue publicity to celebrity authors, with the possible allowance of subjecting said celebrity authors to scorn and ridicule.

Our slogan: BACA off kids’ lit! It will look great on a bumper sticker.

I haven’t read The Big One-Oh, by Dean Pitchford, but I think it’s interesting that the blurbs are by Jamie Lee Curtis and John Lithgow. Dean Pitchford is himself a celebrity as a songwriter, though I would have totally cut him BACA slack because there’s no big name-recognition factor. However, now that the book’s been blurbed by two celebrities on the front cover, I feel that as the founder of Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors, I must pass on this book on principle.

(Total confession: It actually sounds kinda funny. I might have to read it on the down-low.)

As Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors founder and let’s say president, I see it as the kid lit equivalent of the four horsemen of the apocalypse when the Children's Choice Book Awards Author of the Year is Rush Limbaugh. I'm sure that there are and will be many thoughtful articles about what happened to make the winner of a prestigious children's literature award for Rush Revere and The Brave Pilgrims: Time-Travel Adventures With Exceptional Americans. But all I can say is, "Dear God, what have we done?"

The power of the bestseller was a slippery slope for children's literature awards. Certainly the power of the celebrity author - with their top budget promotions and guaranteed WalMart shelf space - was enough for a snarky online cause like Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors. But now, we've added to this mixture the nebulous and sometimes nefarious power of the Internet, which allows anyone to vote for this now-less-prestigious award. There is no way - NO WAY! - that children voted for Rush Limbaugh over Rick Riordan or Veronica Roth.

I'll let cooler heads prevail on what happens next, but for what it's worth BACA's back!

Though perhaps, a little too late.


Rush Limbaugh? Are you kidding me?

From a post at Big A, little a, I find that Madonna has a line of children’s clothes based on her book The English Roses. That the line has been available for some time does not change the fact that I just heard about it now. And now is when I am reacting. I’m officially sick of celebrity authors.

I could complain about the quality of the work. Oh boy, could I complain. But what’s sticking in my craw is the greed. Come on, leave us our little bit of turf. If you can be famous (and usually rich) in your field of acting or music or global domination, leave the world of children’s literature for other people to become a tiny bit famous. Because you can imagine, for every book deal these celebrities strike, that’s less of the kid-lit pie for another author trying to get a break. Do celebrities have to be so greedy to take every aspect of everything because they can? Is that a good enough reason? It’s not... it’s just not... fair.

Now, I really don’t think that actors and musicians and global dominators will stay away from this tiny territory I’d like to carve off, fence in, and defend with a shotgun. But I can dream. And to that end, I initiate Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors, or BACA, and I state today, “BACA Off Kids’ Lit!”

Join if you like, if not for me, than for poor Kadir Nelson. The man deserves an author worthy of his work, and as long as the Spike Lees of the world are around, it ain’t gonna happen.

It appears that Jenna Bush has written a book. As founder of BACA, Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors, I know I need to come into the discussion. But I hesitated, and let me tell you why. My personal, primary reason for being against celebrity authors is that I think it’s greedy. If someone is already famous as an actor, singer, and rolling in dough, c’mon, just walk away from children’s literature. Just walk away. My secondary reason is that trading in on your famous name to get big book deals is unfair and kinda annoying.

So Jenna has a book deal. Honestly, I’d cut her some slack on both of my reasons. She’s not famous as an actor or singer and rolling in dough (though I do believe her family is pretty wealthy). She happens to be the president’s daughter, but she hasn’t already made her own personal stamp in the world. Maybe it will be in young adult fiction. I kind of doubt it, but stranger things have happened. So she’s not being greedy in bringing her career into kids’ lit as she has no actual career. Also, while she is trading in on her fame to get a book deal, it’s not her fault that she’s famous. So I’m not really sure I can blame her there either. I’m torn.

However...

The poor girl leaves herself wide open with these two statements (from her interview with USA Today):

“Jenna Bush, in a rare interview, says her forthcoming book for teens — about a 17-year-old single mother in Panama who is living with HIV — will end with a ‘call to action.’”

“She says she ‘very, very modestly’ hopes her book will have some of the influence of two books about girls caught up in the Holocaust: Lois Lowry’s novel Number the Stars and Anne Frank’s The Diary of Anne Frank.”

Oh Jenna, it is terribly unlikely that coming out of the gate as a first-time author that you are going to influence people like Lois Lowry or — Lord have mercy — Anne Frank. I know that you didn’t really mean to imply that you would, but the fact that you said it at all doesn’t give me a lot of confidence in whatever you’re going to write.

As for the “call to action” line, ohmigod! Do you realize how incredibily annoying it is for people living under your dad’s uncaring, uncompassionate, uninspired polices for six freaking years to hear that you want to issue a “call to action” on social issues? You want a call to action? Start with calling your father and talking to him about single mothers, HIV, and foreign aid and then you get back to us.

Thanks to Big A, little a for the all-important BACA alert. Keep up the good work.

Can we talk about this? I feel like we should talk about this.



On one hand as the founder - and what the hell, president - of Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors (BACA), I need to come out firmly against the idea of a viral video becoming a children's book. However, is a viral video star really a celebrity? I'm not sure about that.

Also, I read something that indicated that the book was already in the works, which makes the video more like brilliant marketing. I'd like to believe this is true, because otherwise I'm a bit disturbed by the speed in which this picture book developed. And because I love the video. Like, obsessed. The simple words matched with the dance tune performed with stellar production. Yeah, I'm a fan and it would be hard to rule against it.

Yet giving this clearance under BACA would only encourage more crossovers. I'm surprised "Charlie Bit My Finger!" isn't a book. Wait......

Whew. It isn't. But that's what's coming if we let one video become a picture book. Next it's a whole "Wrecking Ball" series.

But then I'm back to this brilliance:



And I don't even know, man. Discuss.

By the way, BACA's back! All right!

A Jeff Foxworthy poetry book? To the BACAmobile!!!

So Jeff Foxworthy wrote kid poetry. I don’t mean that he wrote poetry for kids — I mean that he wrote poetry like a kid. If you saw it on your child’s elementary school homework, you’d be mildly amused. But from an adult? Oh, not good. And there is no way on God’s green earth that the jacketflap should read, “In this hilarious collection of poems...” Folks, there’s nothing hilarious to see here. Move along.

Dirt on My Shirt is a perfect example of a book that would have never, ever been published if not for the celebrity of the author. I find it particularly sad that it’s a book of poems — and I use that term loosely here — because parents don’t buy a lot of poetry books for their kids. So while the horrible Steve Martin ABC book will hopefully become a distant memory among the many other picture book choices, children may actually come away from Dirt on My Shirt with the idea that this is real poetry that, like, grown-ups write.

I couldn’t even find a favorite, or decide on the the worst of the batch to share. Grandparent’s day must be coming up soon, so I’ll go with these two selections.

Granddaddy

It sounds kind of sappy, but it makes me happy
To sit in my granddaddy’s lap
He tickles, I giggles and wiggles like crazy
And sometimes we just like to nap

Grandma

My grandma puts on lipstick
It’s bright red like a rose
Because she cannot see too well
It ends up on her nose!

By the way — no periods. That’s how all of the poems are. Apparently, they can end with an exclamation point or question mark, but not a period. Whatever. I give up.

The book is a freakin’ bestseller and the Amazon reviews are all good. A few people mention the poems as “simple” or “uninspired” but they don’t appear to see that as a problem. It breaks my heart that this piece of poetry crap will end up in the hands of readers instead of a dozen — a hundred other better choices. I guess Kelly’s right. It’s time for my own celebrity author blog. I’ll be Simon; anyone want to be Paula or Randy to balance my snark?

Poetry Friday Roundup is over at Becky’s Book Reviews. Head over to find some good poems.

As Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors founder and, let’s say, president, I claim the end of life as we know it following this announcement:

Tyra Banks Signs Multi-Book Deal With Delacorte Press

“Delacorte Press has acquired MODELLAND, the first novel in a three-book series written by international, entertainment, and media icon Tyra Banks... Drawing from an area of expertise she is avidly passionate about, Tyra’s MODELLAND is the story of a teen girl in a make-believe society who finds herself competing for a way of life that’s both hotly desired and woefully out of reach at an academy for Intoxibellas, the most exceptional models known to humankind. As the plot unfolds, readers will uncover lessons that are buried beneath the surface of this magical world.”

Hey, I warned you that my blog could suddenly go dark if the beach beckoned — oh, and it beckon it did. I’m not a big fan of traveling on holiday weekends, but it was the only totally clear time we had to get to Virginia Beach and see my niece. For the first time in years I went to the fireworks show at the oceanfront. It was amazing. I highly recommend seeing fireworks shot over the ocean. It is to die for. (Those were my hoity-toity italics.)

I can’t imagine why, but the spaces closest to the sea weren’t crowded, and we had a completely unobstructed view of the fireworks reflected in the ocean as the waves lapped up ten feet away. Well, unobstructed except for the one random drunk guy who staggered down into the water, stared at the show for three minutes, and then wandered off into the night. Otherwise it was sensory perfection adding fireworks to the cool ocean breeze and the smell and sound of the sea. The taste of pink lemonade did all right, but next time I’m bringing Kit-Kats.

Today I’m back, but due at work in an hour. Nothing like cutting it close. I’ve checked my email, checked eBay (“Prada handbags” is my new favorite search — curse you, Sex and the City movie), and checked my stats — and hold on! I’ve wondered before what might get picked up first by folks outside the kidlitosphere — Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors (BACA) or the Weird-Ass Picture Book Awards (WAPB). Apparently, the winner is... the Weird-Ass Picture Book Awards, which were picked up by Metafilter. How about that? I’m touched — and honored.

I only have some concern that readers there may not have surmised that my awards can be a compliment — and I would comment as such, but new membership costs five dollars. I don’t know. Give my five dollars to make sure my awards are well understood more than halfway through the day of the posting or donate to Obama’s campaign by the end of July, and possibly win tickets to the see Barack accept the party nomination? Decisions, decisions.

Ah, who am I kidding? We all know I’m going to spend the five bucks on two chalupas and a Diet Pepsi at Taco Bell.

Today’s re-posted list from last year again has some classic favorites and some often new-to-you 2006 highlighted titles along with a matching gift idea. If you’ve become inspired by the match-up game, throw out your titles and gifts in the comments. I’m very disappointed that I couldn’t think of a good gift match for some of my favorite books, including Clementine (other than a box of the fruit, which could be a huge disappointment to an eight-year-old), but it’s fun to try.

Speaking of book suggestions, before I turn you over to the list, let me point out that the new Edge of the Forest issue is up with a wonderful compilation of suggestions from the editorial board (me included). Check it out for more great ideas about books to give or just to read this holiday season. Among the other wonderful reviews, features and interviews, this issue includes my round-up review of four of the picture books nominated for the Cybil awards that also happen to be bedtime books. And I’ll be sure to read the interview with über-cool blogging writer Sara Lewis Holmes. She rocks.

Before I go, I must point out that right now, I have the best collection of posts ever on my front page. Three lists of books as gifts. A BACA rant, along with the announcement of BACA-brand material now available at the MotherReader store. A review of an incredible book by Grace Lin. The Carnival of Children’s Literature, with tips, tricks, and suggestions galore. And my tips on adding humor to your writing. Looking at this lovely line-up — if I do say so myself — I may never post again. Scroll and enjoy.

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When the going gets tough, the tough get going... making more obsessive lists of books ’n stuff. I went back to look at some of my favorite books of the year — and ever — to see if I could match ’em up. I’ve already covered many of the ideas with the first list, but here are some more.

1. Pair Mo Willems’ book Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus with a toy bus and a cargo truck.
   


2. Pair The Moon with a flashlight and a promise for a nighttime walk or two.
   


3. Pair new-classic Duck and Goose with a bright spotted ball (fans will know why).
   


4. Pair MotherReader favorite The Day the Babies Crawled Away with a baby doll.
   


5. Pair the funny wordless book Once Upon a Banana and a stuffed monkey — but show your sense of humor by throwing a banana into the gift bag.
   


6. Pair silly beginning reader book The Monster in the Backpack with a cute backpack (monster additional).
   


7. Pair classic A Bargain For Frances with a tea set.
   


8. Pair the offbeat book Pecorino Plays Ball with a bat and ball. You can throw in a coupon book for practice sessions.
   


9. Pair Take Me Out of the Bathtub and Other Silly Dilly Songs with a kazoo.
   


10. Combine sweet Jenny and the Cat Club with a red scarf (don’t worry if it’s too long — so is Jenny’s) and a black cat.
    


11. Pair Clarice Bean Spells Trouble with a game of Scrabble, and some of your time to teach it.
    


12. Pair a drawing book like Draw 50 Airplanes, Aircrafts, and Spaceships or Draw 50 Cats with a couple of nice sketch pads.
    


13. Pair Phineas MacGuire... Erupts! with a science kit, or the next book in the series, Phineas MacGuire... Gets Slimed! with the slime science kit.
    


14. Pair a spy-themed book like Steal Back the Mona Lisa! (picture book), The Case of the Climbing Cat (beginning reader), Harriet the Spy (chapter book) or Secrets, Lies, Gizmos, and Spies: a History of Espionage (nonfiction) with rear-view sunglasses and/or a fingerprint kit.
    


15. Bigger girls like stuffed animals too. How about Hoot with an owl, The World According to Humphrey with a hamster, or Room With a Zoo with a puppy?
    


16. Pair a magic book of your choice with magic tricks.
    


17. Pair The Crafty Diva’s D. I. Y. Stylebook: A Grrrl’s Guide to Cool Creations You Can Make, Show Off, and Share or The Girls’ World Book of Friendship Crafts: Cool Stuff to Make with Your Best Friends with a gift card to a local craft store, and maybe some shopping and crafting time together.
    


18. Pair Knitgrrl: Learn to Knit With 15 Fun And Funky Projects and/or Chicks with Sticks: It’s a Purl Thing with yarn, knitting needles, and a promise for some lessons.
    


19. Pair Ductigami: The Art of Tape with... well, rolls of duct tape.
    


20. Pair King Dork with a CD of The Mr. T Experience.
    


21. It’s not really a toy or separate gift, but take a special book, like Wow! It Sure is Good to Be You (which is about an aunt loving her far-away niece) and make a CD recording of you reading it.
    

Instead of talking about the joy of Christmas, the spirit of giving, and all that jazz, I’d like to focus my attention on the little things that really bring the holiday home to me.

Of course, there’s always not getting what you wanted. In this case, not making the Brotherhood 2.0 Happy Dance video. We were disappointed. We posted a video response with the girls dancing at, yes, The Land of Little Horses. John did comment, which was nice, but too little, too late. ;^)

There’s the delight of a fancy party where you know very few people and feel very old because when did the dresses get so short and the music get so loud? But, hey, at least for once in your life you’ve got an “up-do.” Gotta love complicated hair.

While other families bake cookies and decorate them lovingly, you make sugar cookies that you cut from the roll and cover with random bits of candy, making the whole thing look like an exercise in modern art. (Though you’re rather fond of the Mr. Bill cookie. Oh no!)

And what’s Christmas, really, without the cats getting stoned on catnip?

Or shameless, shameless self-promotion. (BACA merchandise is still available at the MotherReader store. Just think how fun it will be to carry the tote bag — just $14.99 — to the ALA conference or the bookstore.)

Merry Christmas to all.

I haven’t played in my StatCounter keyword analysis for a while, but it’s always so much fun. I found an older poem that I put together with some favorite searches in the Diamond form. I was originally inspired by the form of a OULIPO, a poetry challenge at Miss Rumphius. I think the searches are so funny, and yet so telling at the same time. That’s why I love ’em. The first one is from a while ago, the second one I created today.

poetry
Mo definitely
adult readers theatre
100 top grossing breads
funny story on being teachable
preschool books about boyfriends, girlfriends
teenage group personality quizzes
seven animals in one picture
Kadir Nelson knock off
BACA members
poppies

Yarn bugs
Pigeon pajamas
Attack of Literacy
Condescending forgotten poem
Stop dressing your daughter like a slut
Weird and wacky poems for kids
Land of Little Horses
Poems in spanis
Baca logo

My favorite searches are “Mo definitely” and “Condescending forgotten poem.” I can’t even imagine what that second one means, but the Mo definitely is right on target. Check out the Poetry Friday round-up at Big A, little a.

I’m still working on this year’s titles — I’m really hoping for some suggestions in the comments — and reposting my first three lists. Today’s list is from last December, focusing on 2007 titles. It should be noted that all the lists have some combinations that will work for other titles. Of course, you can always give your book blogger buddies BACA logo mugs, T-shirts, and bumper stickers — available for purchase at the MotherReader store — with any non-celebrity book. But we won’t count that suggestion.

1. Take a bedtime book like The Bunnies are Not in Their Beds or At Night and add a personalized pillow.
   


2. Give your favorite girly-girl Fancy Nancy and the Posh Puppy with dress-up jewelry and/or a fancy poodle.
   


3. Give your rough little boy Pirates Don’t Change Diapers along with genuine pirate gear.
   


4. Take sweet picture book Lissy’s Friends and pair it with an origami kit.
   


5. Picture book stunners The Zoo or Pssst! would be perfect with a zoo animal collection or game.
   


6. Taking a Bath with the Dog and Other Things That Make Me Happy is a book that deserves its own bathrobe and/or bubble bath.
   


7. Looking for something a little offbeat? Maybe Cowboy and Octopus with a cowboy hat or an octopus.
   


8. For business-minded kids, pair The Lemonade War with a coin counter bank.
   


9. All the elementary school kids will love The Invention of Hugo Cabret, but you can pair it with tin wind-up toys for extra flair.
   


10. Give Moxy Maxwell Does Not Love Stuart Little with um, Stuart Little.
    


11. Give Kimchi & Calamari with a promise for a dinner out Korean style, or Italian style, or both.
    


12. Perhaps Fabulous Hair with a hair accessory kit will make someone smile.
    


13. Wrap up A Crooked Kind of Perfect with excellent socks like the cover.
    


14. Treat a tween to Middle School is Worse Than Meatloaf along with pink nail polish, lipstick, post-it notes, and special bubble bath, as mentioned in the book.
    


15. How about Diary of a Wimpy Kid with a the Do It Yourself Journal?
    


16. Or maybe Here Be Monsters! with a Nightmare Snatcher Journal.
    


17. Or Faeries of Dreamdark: Blackbringer with a fairy diary.
    


18. Buy His Dark Materials Trilogy along with tickets to The Golden Compass.
    


19. Give Young Adult book Beige with a mix CD of the songs in the chapter titles (or an iTunes gift card).
    


20. Give Young Adult book The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl with How to Draw Comic Book Heroes and Villains (or an iTunes gift card).
    


21. Match poetry books with poetry beads or magnetic poetry. Some 2007 suggestions: Animal Poems, This is a Poem That Heals Fish, Tap Dancing on the Roof, This is Just to Say, or Blue Lipstick: Concrete Poems.

It would be really helpful to me as a potential author if people would stop writing books that I was clearly intended to write.

Stop Dressing Your Six-Year-Old Like a Skank: And Other Words of Delicate Southern Wisdom, by Celia Rivenbark, is a series of humorous essays within the topics of Kids, Celebrities, Vanity, Husbands, and Southern Living. I was most a fan of Kids, but all of the book made me choke back laughter (I read a good deal of it at my daughter’s ballet class.)

The title story reflects my own irritation at this particular fashion problem of moms:

We headed for our favorite department store, ready to take that leap into the new world of 7–16. Bye-bye, 4–6X, I thought to myself with a tug of sadness. My baby was growing up.

And apparently into a prostitute.

This topic is pretty standard conversations among moms who are also distressed that the first grader clothes are lumped in with the clothes for middle schoolers — and that the trend has been kind of slutty-looking stuff. But we don’t say it as funny as this:

When did this happen? Who decided that my six-year-old should dress like a Vegas showgirl? And one with an abundance of anger issues at that?

But here’s where the author truly won my heart within her writing on Celebrities:

Although the endless celebrity perfume is tiresome, it’s still not so irksome as the celebrities thinking that just because they had a cameo on Baywatch one time, they’re now ready to write for kids.

Madonna’s leading the pack with an entire series of children’s books. Whose idea was it to give Madonna a five-book kids’ book deal? What’s next? A parenting book by Michael Jackson? (What to Expect When One of us is Painfully Weird at Best or a Child Molester at Worst?)

Why does every celebrity think they should write a children’s book? Usually they’re still feeling the last bliss of the epidural when they bark at the nurse, “Call my agent! The world needs my children’s book.”

...But Madonna? Does the world really need her take on Puss’n Boots? (Then again, the original features a velvet-vested cat wearing nothing more than the vest, a smile, and some fetching thigh-high leather boots, so perhaps we have nothing to fear.)

I think we have a new BACA member, people.

The book is full of great lines and funny perspectives. I wasn’t familiar with the author, but she has written other books that I’ll be looking up soon. I like my kids’ lit, but I need to work in some good hearty laughs to keep my sense of humor in shape.

Last year, I came up with twenty-one different ways to give something extra — and yet related — with a book. And then I came up with twenty-one more ways. Now, it’s a new year with new books just brimming with gift-matching possibilities. So here are even twenty-one more ways to give a book this holiday season. I’ll be reposting the other two lists this week, with updated links. Of course, you can always give your book blogger buddies BACA logo mugs, T-shirts, and bumper stickers — now ready at the MotherReader store — with any non-celebrity book. But we won’t count that suggestion in the twenty-one.

1. Take a bedtime book like The Bunnies are Not in Their Beds or At Night and add a personalized pillow.
   


2. Give your favorite girly-girl Fancy Nancy and the Posh Puppy with dress-up jewelry and/or a fancy poodle and its own dress-up clothes.
   


3. Give your rough little boy Pirates Don’t Change Diapers along with genuine pirate gear.
   


4. Take sweet picture book Lissy’s Friends and pair it with an origami kit.
   


5. Picture book stunners The Zoo or Pssst! would be perfect with a zoo animal collection or game.
   


6. Taking a Bath with the Dog and Other Things That Make Me Happy is a book that deserves its own bathrobe and/or bubble bath.
   


7. Looking for something a little offbeat? Maybe Cowboy and Octopus with a cowboy hat or an octopus.
   


8. For business-minded kids, pair The Lemonade War with a coin counter bank.
   


9. All the elementary school kids will love The Invention of Hugo Cabret, but you can pair it with tin wind-up toys for extra flair.
   


10. Give Moxy Maxwell Does Not Love Stuart Little with um, Stuart Little.
    


11. Give Kimchi & Calamari with a promise for a dinner out Korean style, or Italian style, or both.
    


12. Perhaps Fabulous Hair with a hair accessory kit will make someone smile.
    


13. Wrap up A Crooked Kind of Perfect with those excellent socks from the cover. (Maybe these are closer?)
    


14. Treat a tween to Middle School is Worse Than Meatloaf along with pink nail polish, lipstick, post-it notes, and special bubble bath, as mentioned in the book.
    


15. How about Diary of a Wimpy Kid with a the Do It Yourself Journal?
    


16. Or maybe Here Be Monsters! with a Nightmare Snatcher Journal.
    


17. Or Faeries of Dreamdark: Blackbringer with a fairy diary.
    


18. Buy His Dark Materials Trilogy along with tickets to The Golden Compass.
    


19. Give Young Adult book Beige with a mix CD of the songs in the chapter titles (or an iTunes gift card).
    


20. Give Young Adult book The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl with How to Draw Comic Book Heroes and Villains (or an iTunes gift card).
    


21. Match poetry books with poetry beads or magnetic poetry. Some 2007 suggestions: Animal Poems, This is a Poem That Heals Fish, Tap Dancing on the Roof, This is Just to Say, or Blue Lipstick: Concrete Poems.

I’ll continue to plug my 150 Ways to Give a Book throughout December, but with some new ideas, twists, and commentary. For instance today, I’ll be connecting the concepts of three separate posts. I know, radical.

When I discussed a certain book born from the success of a viral video, I was ambivalent. Is this the very thing BACA should rail against, or was it an insightful marketing campaign? And what can I even say when the whole thing is just too perfect.

Say you choose to give the book What Does the Fox Say? for Christmas this year. Well, your gift pairing options are wide open. You could go with the simple, yet classic, cute plush fox. An excellent choice, sure to appeal across a wide age range.

You could pull together a collection of recent fox-themed books, like Come Back, Moon and OutFoxed. Tie the whole thing together with a little felt fox ornament. I’ve seen cute ones at Target and Kohl’s, but you can’t go anywhere now and NOT find a fox ornament. Yeah, this trend is big.

You could give a little fox necklace or a little fox hat. Both so cute. If you're the crafty type, you may be able to make the hat. Or search for the many choices for either on Etsy. Or going another way, you could give the book with the movie The Fantastic Mr Fox especially if you make extra time to watch it together.

If you’re rewarding the adult in your life for their excellent taste in viral videos, you might consult the Land of Nod post noting the fox trend in various household items. Or just keep it simple and give fox socks, if only so you can say ‘fox socks’ over and over again. Fox socks fox socks fox socks. So fun to say!

Or you could go creepy and dark and give an actual fox tail. Yup, you can buy actual fox tails through Amazon. On one hand I’m appalled. On the other, disappointed that I didn’t know this sooner before I destroyed the hood of a thrift store coat to retrieve the fox fur lining for my daughter’s theatre costume. By the way, I wouldn’t suggest the actual fox tail as a children’s gift. Though a simple costume could be fun, I’m having trouble searching for it online without getting either terrible costumes where the tails are like rolled up felt or some variation on “foxy” costumes, which is NOT what I want.

So there you have several - let’s say inspiring - ways to give just one selected picture book titles. For more pairings and ideas, shop 150 Ways to Give a Book.

It is time to make good on my promise to give away a copy of Don’t Let the Pigeon Run This App! Last night I took all of the entries, created one list, and read them to my family. TeenReader was the prime audience, with both her fine-tuned sense of humor and her tendency to literally roll on the floor laughing. A tendency that could only be more pronounced given her lack of sleep during her play performance week.

As I pulled the list together, I found patterns among the titles. There was inadvertent poetry:

Don’t Let the Pigeon Dance with the Stars!
Don’t Let the Pigeon Fly to Mars!
Don’t Let the Pigeon Fly Over Your Head!
Don’t Let the Pigeon Become One of the Undead!

Which we will consider my contribution to Poetry Friday, hosted today at The Opposite of Indifference. There were the cautionary tales:

Don’t Let the Pigeon Write My Tax Refund!
Don’t Let the Pigeon Give Root Canals!
Don’t Let the Pigeon Plan your Wedding!
Don’t Let the Pigeon Anywhere Near the Oval Office!

All very practical advice. There was a layered, meta response:

Don’t Let the Pigeon Write a Children’s Book!

It invokes BACA, Bloggers Against Celebrity Authors, with the notion that now that the Pigeon is a celebrity, we would be against him writing a children’s book. But he’s in a children’s book, so how does that work? I know. We just blew your mind.

A holiday entry caught our eye for its creepy cleverness:

Don’t Eat the Pigeon for Thanksgiving!

But in the end it was less wordplay than imagery that tickled our funny bones. The winner of the app is Joanna Freeman for:

Don’t Let the Pigeon Learn the Bagpipes!

While the visual sold this, word choice is important in its humor. “Learn” here is funnier than “play,” because we assume an ineptitude on the part of our feathered friend, which is funny. Bagpipes is (are?) a great choice, being a silly-looking instrument that gives an instant visual. It also could be a rather annoying instrument, which plays nicely against our Pigeon — who considers annoyance a personality trait. It also would be a brilliant title to include in the actual app or a new book. I can picture it. Can’t you?

Thanks to everyone for playing, tweeting, and promoting the contest. And thanks to Mo Willems for giving me my first app. I’ll never forget it.

Melanie Watt’s tour is hot, hot, hot right now. Her character Scaredy Squirrel spoke up over at Big A, little a on Monday. On Tuesday, a clever kid asks the questions over at Book Buds. I’ll have an interview here on Friday with, ummm... sock puppets! Okay, not really. I’m so lame.

The March/April 2008 issue of The Edge of the Forest is up with interviews, reviews, and much, much more. Lately I’ve been lax about writing for this wonderful resource, but I’ll get back on the ball. Soon. If you’re interested in submitting an idea or article, get in touch.

Sign-ups continue for the Third Annual 48 Hour Book Challenge. Don’t make me hunt you down! I’m going to start trolling for prizes, but again, don’t make me hunt you down! Seriously, I’d love signed books, fun jewelry, t-shirts, and notecards. I feel fairly certain that BACA merchandise will make an appearance. Original illustrator artwork, doodles, or even scribbles will make my heart leap with joy. Most of the donations will be combined to make prize packages, so don’t worry that no one would read twenty books in two days for your signed book or Scrabble cufflinks. Drop me a line at motherreader AT gmail DOT com and make me an offer I can’t refuse.