105 Ways to Give a Book

Poetry Friday: Dirt on My Shirt

BACAA Jeff Foxworthy poetry book? To the BACAmobile!!!

So Jeff Foxworthy wrote kid poetry. I don’t mean that he wrote poetry for kids — I mean that he wrote poetry like a kid. If you saw it on your child’s elementary school homework, you’d be mildly amused. But from an adult? Oh, not good. And there is no way on God’s green earth that the jacketflap should read, “In this hilarious collection of poems...” Folks, there’s nothing hilarious to see here. Move along.

Dirt on My ShirtDirt on My Shirt is a perfect example of a book that would have never, ever been published if not for the celebrity of the author. I find it particularly sad that it’s a book of poems — and I use that term loosely here — because parents don’t buy a lot of poetry books for their kids. So while the horrible Steve Martin ABC book will hopefully become a distant memory among the many other picture book choices, children may actually come away from Dirt on My Shirt with the idea that this is real poetry that, like, grown-ups write.

I couldn’t even find a favorite, or decide on the the worst of the batch to share. Grandparent’s day must be coming up soon, so I’ll go with these two selections.

It sounds kind of sappy, but it makes me happy
To sit in my granddaddy’s lap
He tickles, I giggles and wiggles like crazy
And sometimes we just like to nap


My grandma puts on lipstick
It’s bright red like a rose
Because she cannot see too well
It ends up on her nose!
By the way — no periods. That’s how all of the poems are. Apparently, they can end with an exclamation point or question mark, but not a period. Whatever. I give up.

The book is a freakin’ bestseller and the Amazon reviews are all good. A few people mention the poems as “simple” or “uninspired” but they don’t appear to see that as a problem. It breaks my heart that this piece of poetry crap will end up in the hands of readers instead of a dozen — a hundred other better choices. I guess Kelly’s right. It’s time for my own celebrity author blog. I’ll be Simon; anyone want to be Paula or Randy to balance my snark?

Poetry Friday Roundup is over at Becky’s Book Reviews. Head over to find some good poems.


Kelly said...

You do the ground work, MR, and I totally be Paula. (Okay, I don't drink any more, but I do like to be nice to everyone. To a fault. Also, I don't do that 40ish HOT woman thing, but I can bring the nice to the blog.)

Let's go for it! Think Leila might agree to be Randy?

Kelly said...

Oh, and btw: That grandpa poem is so horrific (I giggles and wiggles?!?), I couldn't read grandma.

Kelly said...

Oh, and one more thing: Anne would be a great Randy too.

TadMack said...

Oh, the PAIN. Honestly. "I giggles and wiggles" I thought was a typo, and then I thought: Oh, but this is COUNTRY JEFF. COUNTRY JEFF don't got to use no cityfolk English, no, no.

Tricia said...

Balance the snark? For God's sake why? Snark is exactly what this stuff needs. I think a BACA blog needs three Simons. I'm just saying ...

Kelly Fineman said...

I couldn't be Paula because I can't find anything nice to say about any of Foxworthy's poems. Which caused an almost-actual gag reflex when I read them. Particularly because it was one of two books featured for National Poetry Month. (The other was by a poem whose name rhymes with Bigbutsky.)

But I'd so love to read those posts. And possibly be Randy. Or Ryan.

Kelly said...

Kelly would make for a good Randy too! She knows her poetry. She can say, "Dawg...that line doesn't scan."

Jules at 7-Imp said...

Ouch. Painful. Just ouch.

Jules, 7-Imp, who is so glad MR's considering the BACA blog, and I hope she's serious

Cloudscome said...

LOL this is hilarious. Glad I haven't come across this one IRL. You go girl.